I wish you could see

I watch you.  Carefully memorizing the msrks of your flesh. The unseem birthmark on the middle of your back.  The bruises on your flesh. I watch you as you gaze into the mirror of this hotel that's proved our home. You're naked as you examine the color of your hair and you watch me through the reflection.

The hotel is crowded with the remains of our life. Cluttered and disheveled. Spilled domestic beer tossed down on Leftover Chanel. I look away from your gaze. Caught up in the beauty of your form I dismiss the chaos.

You make me nervous you say And I feign a blush and tuck my head against my chest. I'm sorry I whisper it and it's arrogant and untrue. Because I like that you tremble. I like that challenge is to make you understand.

Anyone can fuck me. Anyone can fuck you. We've been there before. But you're different aren't you? I don't want you to be. I didn't want you to be. But no one controls their fate.

I Love you you say and youre thanking me for dinner and your siblings and I'm shaking my head and imaging how. Whole I feel when your skins against mine.

You light a Marlboro and pace nervously. And I'm trying to focus on your words. But your body curves in majestic ways that bend my mind and mold our bodies together in perfect motion.

I want you I say and immediately withdraw. Because I see the look in your eyes and for a moment I hate myself. I'm me I say and I love you

You look away and casually ash your smoke on the floor. I turn away and hear the bottle crack. And more than anything I want to fall on my knees and beg. I want you to see it. See it as I do. I want you to understand.

You deserve better I say and you scoff. I throw my head into my hands in despair. I wish for one moment you could see what I see in you.