Feelings? I have none.
Hey, you're not going to like what I have to say. But I need to tell you anyways.
So. Do you remember our first date? When we got lunch, then boba tea, then walked around the pond in the park?
When we sat on the metal park bench; it was so hot but we stayed for the better part of an hour. One of my legs was strewn across your lap, and one of your hands found a home where my hair meets my collarbone. You told me, "This is my new favorite place, with my new favorite person, in my new favorite moment." It wasn't the most poetic, but I had wanted to hear you say it again and again.
However. When our lips met, the spark dissipated within me. I know that sounds awful and wrong. But please understand, I did like you. I did.
Until your tongue was in my mouth. Instead of the world shrinking away, leaving us in our own bubble, the outside came crashing into the moment.
I could feel the breeze on my lower back, the bench was so hot and burning my thighs, the sun was in my eyes, your hand on the side of my face felt comical, the sounds of the cars in the distance over powered the birdsong, and the glares of the passersby filled my middle with embarrassment.
Listen I know that one bad kiss isn't the right reason to drop someone. You're right. But please listen.
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, and that I've led you on for weeks now. I wanted to give us another chance. And I did. We walked random streets, exploring little shops, like a couple that had known each other forever, but only you were allowed to choose which ones we entered. We had study dates, with a comfortable silence between us that you kept trying to fill. We went to a hidden away spot that you had found years ago, and hadn't brought anyone to before. But you didn't bring me there to show me the place, or because it had any emotional value like you had led me to believe. No, you brought me there just to make out without interruption.
Every time we meet up, I'm counting up the minutes until it's socially acceptable for me to leave. I'm sorry that the words you tell me that should sound sweet and heartfelt just hit my ear wrong.
I'm sorry that I let you believe there could be something more between us.
You see, I told you that you wouldn't want to hear this. No, I'm not saying that I'm too good for you. I'm not saying that I hate you. No, there is no other guy. No, I didn't go after you for the thrill of the chase.
Please stop trying to convince me that I can force myself to feel that for you.