How I grew up Part 1

I try to find a memory of him.

The dimples in his cheeks, the flicker in his eyes, the way his face holds an honest smile, and he doesn't smell faintly of gin and sin.                                                                         Its been a while now since I saw him walking happily and in no hurry down the street.

And when he ran, it was faster then the wind, in a race no one could beat.

I remember him quite vividly

He had a unique humor containing sarcasm mixed in with silly.

So smart everyone thought he was.

He's definitely a Clark boy they'd also say, I didn't like that hated the Clark family and I didn't know why so all I could say is "Because".

His family always described him as being pretty wild.

Although he was still just an innocent child.

This boy really didn't understand why.

The older he got he began to signal for help using only his eyes.

I remember him waiting patiently each day for someone to save him.

Needed to be saved from a family that verbally tore out his limbs.

"Why are they trying to make me be something that I'm not?"

It hurt him so bad that his innocent heart began to rot

So to cope with it, he started listening to punk rock.

His family would claim that he's trying to act white and he needs to stop because he's not.

This boy grew up being antagonized by false allegations.

And one day soon he came to a sad realization.

He realized that no one was going to come and save him.

They only care how I'm currently doing, never asking how his life has actually been.

And when he tries to tell anyone they make him feel like he's crazy.

like I'm a defective model or in there eyes a devils baby.

"Why can't he see that we love him dearly?" they ask

But its convenient that you say that yet you neglect and isolated his ass.

By the age of ten his dad and him finally clashed.

 It would be the first of many that they would have.

They both just wanna be the last one to laugh.

He spent his pre-teen years yearning for a better life.

It never came so he picked up a pill bottle and a knife.

And I remember all those cuts on his arms.

Everyone ignored all of his pre-suicidal alarms.

They thought he was fine but boy they were wrong.

He grew up in a place in which he didn't belong.

But all along the people were watching me.

A fake smile is all that I would allow anyone to see.

Years began to pass him by

at 13 he moved to Louisiana without even a goodbye.

He had no idea just how much he'd cry.

He had no idea he wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Had no idea he'd be involved in some fights.

Had no idea about all the bugs that bite.

Had no idea that to a terrible fate, he had arrived.