It seems that we do indeed live in a gneration of our young adults not believing in love. It's not that the population of my generation doesn't yearn for that feeling, and don't become addicted to this love drug.

It's just that we all have this delusion that god will just send your soulmate down from the sky, come falling from somewhere unseen, and up above.

That reality we crave isn't real, so instead we settle for having sex with people we hardly know, hardly ever using a latex glove.

Sex is a very natural part of human interaction

Just because cupid hasn't shot us with his arrows doesn't mean that we humans don't feel for eachother, we are still capable of attraction

But of course, this attraction causes a consequental reaction

you act on it, lost in the moment, you broke one of the 10 commandments you now realize, after your sexual transaction.

After, you often may feel that you've made a mistake

You keep drinking and popping pills in hopes of the memory to be erased.

To forget the time that the kiss you recieved was laced.

To numb the fact that we all feel that we are always chasing, but never being chased.

This generation is obsessed with the thought of falling in love at first sight.

They give their hearts away so easy, later feeling sad and confused, wondering how the hell you let him stab you in the chest with their concealed weapon that was disguised as love, but hidden underneath was a knife.

Too fill the wholes from your wounds, you drown yourself in another love, deep down you know that what your doing isn't right.

But everybody knows that love is the absolute best drug, just one hit can you get infinently high as kite.

Everyone loves this drugs high.

Like a heroin addict, for every reason you come up with to quit, you'll come up with ten more reasons in attempt to deny.

That you are hooked on whatever substance of your choosing. My generation has a hard time accepting things of that nature. So to themselves, they lie.

And to their abusive significant other, they fail to be brave and go cold turkey, refusing to say goodbye to this high.

Your elders watch you, they just turned their heads and helplessly sigh.

Parents don't know what to say when that boy makes your daughter cry.

Our parents were the generation of repression.

It was the thing to do back then, if you wern't able to repress, then you ended up in a nascent depression.

Often a result of a first love, that stomped and jumped on your precious little heart.

No matter how bad the situation, you were supposed to suppress, under any circumstance just ignore it! If you wern't capable, your family and friends will watch you fall apart.

We live in a generation were we are sons and daughters of mothers and fathers who from love, did not fully recover.

The bandaid they have is leaking out blood and puss, parts of your battle wounds left uncovered.

Still bleeding out, your parent are still able to find another lover.

So soaked up in a lust that they believe is true love, the consequences are ones that make you hate your parents for neglecting to use a rubber.

Divorce and depression

Resulting in arguing over your children's custody arrangements in court, while the country heads into another recession.

Subsequently, getting a new house to live in, and for mom or dad another one of cupid arrows and/or god's awarding you with what you prayed for, a new love for mom and dad,"Well son isn't this a blessing?"

Meanwhile, the poor neglected child lies in bed, tossing and turning all night. Not one minute of REM level of resting.

Meanwhile, mom or dad is in the room with a strange man or woman, undressing.

This is how a majority of my generation grew up.

Outside looking picture perfect, and on the inside, you lived a child hood that was very very tough.

You could never ever begin to explain, or even let yourself talk about that kind of stuff.

So you force yourself to learn the skill of emotional repressing, you succumbed to being numb because you've finnally had enough.

The only thing you are forced to accept is that when your parents told you "It's a cold, cold world out there" that it wasn't just a bluff.

So my generation watches the existence of being in love as it goes through phases of deterioration.

Not learning from watching our parents, we still go after the sensation.

Being young, we are often so very impatient.

Maybe our mistake is making our sexual desires so cavallier and very blatant.

Our grandparents all claim that the cause of this satan.

They forget that we even exist, as they get lost in their very bland conversations.

Every family gathering, getting high as the Space Station.

Smoking cigarettes, yearning to just go home, but your family keeps you waiting.

So if your a 90's kid

You probably have had a time in your life where you found it hard to live.

Our generation has so much too offer the world that we wanna give.

And for the harsh judgements of our generation, baby boomers, it's okay we will be the better group of people, and choose to forgive.

Say whatever you want about me and my "trashy group of friends" grandma. Your laughing now, but you'll be crying cause your dying. And My Trashy generation, group of friends, and myself will still be here, you were outlived.

What if

                              all we are as human are simply 

ambivalent beings?

 Unable to chose a side to stand on a side in this war, within a war, within a war, that is in a cycle that goes on just like that, over and over again forever

                                                                                               Infinitely,

                                            and

perpetually.

What if all life was, is an infinite amount of perpetual amount of wars.

                                                                        two opposing courses of actions? No more,

                      and no less?

 What if the life we live in is made up of black and white color

                          soley? 

     And what if meanwhile we are unknowingly stuck 

in an area most of our members of society world wide despise,

                                                       and some even refuse believing in it's existence

 the grey. 

Perpetually unable to make the chose of what side to stand on,

                       What if we spend our entire lives on this earth misinterpreting information

                             What if this subsequently made you see the opposing side as always wrong.

                         Never wondering if maybe

the opposing                                                        side is where they truly belong.

    What if,

                                         we human beings are all just different types

of being color blind

                        Unknowingly doomed here on Earth

perpetually unable to even be able to tell

                                              the two twin colors apart?

 Everyone says that what they most admire about me is that I truly don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks. When in reality, I care so much more than anyone will ever know. I've just realized that what other people think doesn't matter at all really. We are all assholes deep down inside anyway. And all we can do is try our hardest not to be. Yeah people judge me all the time. But I've grown wise enough to actually listen to all the judgments. And if I listen close enough, for just a second I get a tiny sliver of a glance of what it's like to stare at me. To completely understand the reasons why they judge with what appears to be so much evil and hate. But in reality the core of their negative judgements is caused by a common case of malnutrition. A malnutrition of the mind, a major lack of knowledge and wisdom. The knowledge could be obtained if he took just a few quarters of some college classes. The malnutrioned individual would have read enough books, or paid attention to a few mind altering lectures. I even hope that a moment of mental ecstasy occurs just once or twice, with no substances involved besides the chemicals your brain releases from a combination of very very severe stimulation and amazement. Those few lectures you couldn't help but overhear, and those pages from those books you probably would fail to completely read would help you see. That even though you think this way, you have no damn right to antagonize something you don't understand. Something so far from the reality that you have created for yourself that's built using over halfway made up opinions you are comfortable accepting as facts. And the other half with hatred with your own existence because real life is not your daydream. Thank the god that we both worship and bow down and praise. When is the last time that you stepped foot in a church? I'll admit it's been about 2 months since my last confession but father Mathew disagreed with your ignorance regarding god said I will go to hell because I'm gay. But hey I'll admit that all I know is that I know nothing is one of wisest things a person can know about themselves. And despite me knowing nothing, our god has made sure that I was cursed with little, possibly absolutely nothing in the way I was born that contained the slightest bit of ignorance. I promise that if you go ask god, and if your able to open yourself up spiritually, that our god will enlighten you a little bit. Show you some of the things that you've lived your entire life that you never looked close enough to see. Hopefully it'll be enough to let you know that peace exists but it can't be achieved without giving up your blissfull, ignorance induced, slumber. So Mr.Man or Ms.Wanna be someone's "Mrs.'". So next time you begin to even think of a negative ass snap judgement, I simply beg of you to take just a little look closer. Look close enough until you just like me, your able to stare at yourself through your predator's point of view. Is their sight as foggy as your's or vice versa? I wonder how much knowledge and wisdom you both have no idea that you could offer each other? Now instead of antagonizing him for the way that person is, what they say, or in what they choose to believe. Take a different approach, I'll teach you a new word. You've heard it before but have no idea what it really means. To empathize with someone is to try as hard as you can to keep your mind open. And on the other side you combine your wisdom and knowledge to philosophize. It may not be quick but if you do it right, I promise you my dear rhetorical stranger that you will have all 3 dimensions of your sight. You'll be able to see physically with your eyes, mentally because you'll use your nascent knowledge of the world as well as your built in tools to think thoughts that are wise, and then you'll be able to use your third eye. Your spirituality will activate and you'll be similiar to a cyclopse with your three eyes. Dear stranger please listen to these words that I have shared. And although you deserve it, please forgive me because with this wisdom you have been gifted is also a curse. You will have some of the abilities only known for a super hero to possess. But fair warning, you won't be able to shoot fire balls and in this lifetime you won't get to fly. Instead you will be cursed just like me, you'll walk the world with a heavy heart. A perpetual weight of burden and sorrow in your chest. And the saddest thing about it is, your wisdom will keep you fighting with all your might for dear life. Your gift will keep it alive, no matter what it won't let you stop fighting. But as you fight you'll painfully scream loudly and beg for death. You'll live in this zone of ambivalence, being torn between this unsolvable puzzle that we call life. As you cough and wheeze with each agonizing breath, with every fiber of oxygen you take in, the more you are sure that all you truly want in this world is to finally find out what's on the other side. Is heaven real? Or is it all just a never ending void of darkness? No matter what lies beyond, this life has made me brave enough to do the damn deed, with just a moment of potentially unimaginable levels of pain, you'll have the only thing you want now. Death

I was once my pimp's favorite hoe

He said it was because when anybody looked at me, my eyes have a of flash of something.

Something this world has never seen and it's something that everyone needs to know.

He said that if you looked really closely you could see

He said I moved so calm and calculated but just for a flash you could see, how wise I am and a fear of letting that wisdom free.

The asks me what do you know we don't.

And what are the things that I see that no one else sees.

If I told you, you just couldn't comprehend.

Understand the flash in eyes you see many people won't.

But forget it, i'm probably just crazy

or maybe I lack confidence and I'm hella lazy.

Sometimes I wish I was a neurotic bitch named Stacey.

With a memory that was also hella hazy.

But hey I think the flash in my eyes is just due to how I grew up.

I needed so much for but I never got enough.

Older men say things that always seem to make me blush.

They love my fake smile, I mastered it and boy it was so tough.

So call me a bitch, yeah call me a slut.

Whatever you need to make you bust a fucking nut.

And when it's over I'll smile in yo face.

Even though I cry because having sex with you was just a mistake.

I know I cummed but it I know it was all fake.

I just did him a favor for heaven's sake.

The pimp says I love how I can smile through all my pain.

As he offers me another line of cocaine.

He said it'll help ease the pain.

He was right but I was wrong for listening to him because I lost the game.

I was his first ever bottom bitch

I took pride in making him rich.

And when he told me he that he loved me.

He also said that their will be anyone else above me.

I was his lil' red with they eyes that have a mysterious flash.

Was it a flash of happiness? Sadness? Maybe he was just mad?

Please don't waste your time reflecting on what you saw.

Honestly all the flash is, is how I really feel, It's my emotions hella raw.

I now fell more confidence, I love the flash in my eyes.

It's taken me long to begin to realize.

They the flash that's in my eyes, is simply a coping mechanize and also a diguise.

No one will ever get all of me.

And no one will ever get to know how I really feel or really thinks.

My mind is an work of art and puzzle with many missing links links a puzzle piece.

My eyes simply summons up my pride.

And in a flash the real me is gone and you see a different me, I promise it's just my twin although we the same size.

Underneath the mask I suppress screams. shouts, and cries.

Meanwhile I walk confidently, and even with a sexy ass stride.

And all the niggas is just a lil' bit curious about how I ride.

If they ask I'll open my mouth and begin to tell lies.

It's all slowly eating me inside.

Fuck my feelings! Bitch fuck this! It's time to take another swig of this bottle, NOW GOODBYE!!!

I try to find a memory of him.

The dimples in his cheeks, the flicker in his eyes, the way his face holds an honest smile, and he doesn't smell faintly of gin and sin.                                                                         Its been a while now since I saw him walking happily and in no hurry down the street.

And when he ran, it was faster then the wind, in a race no one could beat.

I remember him quite vividly

He had a unique humor containing sarcasm mixed in with silly.

So smart everyone thought he was.

He's definitely a Clark boy they'd also say, I didn't like that hated the Clark family and I didn't know why so all I could say is "Because".

His family always described him as being pretty wild.

Although he was still just an innocent child.

This boy really didn't understand why.

The older he got he began to signal for help using only his eyes.

I remember him waiting patiently each day for someone to save him.

Needed to be saved from a family that verbally tore out his limbs.

"Why are they trying to make me be something that I'm not?"

It hurt him so bad that his innocent heart began to rot

So to cope with it, he started listening to punk rock.

His family would claim that he's trying to act white and he needs to stop because he's not.

This boy grew up being antagonized by false allegations.

And one day soon he came to a sad realization.

He realized that no one was going to come and save him.

They only care how I'm currently doing, never asking how his life has actually been.

And when he tries to tell anyone they make him feel like he's crazy.

like I'm a defective model or in there eyes a devils baby.

"Why can't he see that we love him dearly?" they ask

But its convenient that you say that yet you neglect and isolated his ass.

By the age of ten his dad and him finally clashed.

 It would be the first of many that they would have.

They both just wanna be the last one to laugh.

He spent his pre-teen years yearning for a better life.

It never came so he picked up a pill bottle and a knife.

And I remember all those cuts on his arms.

Everyone ignored all of his pre-suicidal alarms.

They thought he was fine but boy they were wrong.

He grew up in a place in which he didn't belong.

But all along the people were watching me.

A fake smile is all that I would allow anyone to see.

Years began to pass him by

at 13 he moved to Louisiana without even a goodbye.

He had no idea just how much he'd cry.

He had no idea he wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Had no idea he'd be involved in some fights.

Had no idea about all the bugs that bite.

Had no idea that to a terrible fate, he had arrived.

I always imagined my death would have just been more.

More magical, more spiritual, or a dramatic ending with my wrists feeling slashed up and sore.

I imagined I'd ride on the highway to hell considering the fact that in gods eyes I'm considered a whore.

But instead, death came with just a little bit of dread.

In my doorway through the window, I saw the face of death.

The grim reaper turned out to be real

his appearance leaves me feeling surreal.

With no words he motions for me to come.

I obediently followed, Because I am death's son.