Confession of a severely empathetic sociopath

 Everyone says that what they most admire about me is that I truly don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks. When in reality, I care so much more than anyone will ever know. I've just realized that what other people think doesn't matter at all really. We are all assholes deep down inside anyway. And all we can do is try our hardest not to be. Yeah people judge me all the time. But I've grown wise enough to actually listen to all the judgments. And if I listen close enough, for just a second I get a tiny sliver of a glance of what it's like to stare at me. To completely understand the reasons why they judge with what appears to be so much evil and hate. But in reality the core of their negative judgements is caused by a common case of malnutrition. A malnutrition of the mind, a major lack of knowledge and wisdom. The knowledge could be obtained if he took just a few quarters of some college classes. The malnutrioned individual would have read enough books, or paid attention to a few mind altering lectures. I even hope that a moment of mental ecstasy occurs just once or twice, with no substances involved besides the chemicals your brain releases from a combination of very very severe stimulation and amazement. Those few lectures you couldn't help but overhear, and those pages from those books you probably would fail to completely read would help you see. That even though you think this way, you have no damn right to antagonize something you don't understand. Something so far from the reality that you have created for yourself that's built using over halfway made up opinions you are comfortable accepting as facts. And the other half with hatred with your own existence because real life is not your daydream. Thank the god that we both worship and bow down and praise. When is the last time that you stepped foot in a church? I'll admit it's been about 2 months since my last confession but father Mathew disagreed with your ignorance regarding god said I will go to hell because I'm gay. But hey I'll admit that all I know is that I know nothing is one of wisest things a person can know about themselves. And despite me knowing nothing, our god has made sure that I was cursed with little, possibly absolutely nothing in the way I was born that contained the slightest bit of ignorance. I promise that if you go ask god, and if your able to open yourself up spiritually, that our god will enlighten you a little bit. Show you some of the things that you've lived your entire life that you never looked close enough to see. Hopefully it'll be enough to let you know that peace exists but it can't be achieved without giving up your blissfull, ignorance induced, slumber. So Mr.Man or Ms.Wanna be someone's "Mrs.'". So next time you begin to even think of a negative ass snap judgement, I simply beg of you to take just a little look closer. Look close enough until you just like me, your able to stare at yourself through your predator's point of view. Is their sight as foggy as your's or vice versa? I wonder how much knowledge and wisdom you both have no idea that you could offer each other? Now instead of antagonizing him for the way that person is, what they say, or in what they choose to believe. Take a different approach, I'll teach you a new word. You've heard it before but have no idea what it really means. To empathize with someone is to try as hard as you can to keep your mind open. And on the other side you combine your wisdom and knowledge to philosophize. It may not be quick but if you do it right, I promise you my dear rhetorical stranger that you will have all 3 dimensions of your sight. You'll be able to see physically with your eyes, mentally because you'll use your nascent knowledge of the world as well as your built in tools to think thoughts that are wise, and then you'll be able to use your third eye. Your spirituality will activate and you'll be similiar to a cyclopse with your three eyes. Dear stranger please listen to these words that I have shared. And although you deserve it, please forgive me because with this wisdom you have been gifted is also a curse. You will have some of the abilities only known for a super hero to possess. But fair warning, you won't be able to shoot fire balls and in this lifetime you won't get to fly. Instead you will be cursed just like me, you'll walk the world with a heavy heart. A perpetual weight of burden and sorrow in your chest. And the saddest thing about it is, your wisdom will keep you fighting with all your might for dear life. Your gift will keep it alive, no matter what it won't let you stop fighting. But as you fight you'll painfully scream loudly and beg for death. You'll live in this zone of ambivalence, being torn between this unsolvable puzzle that we call life. As you cough and wheeze with each agonizing breath, with every fiber of oxygen you take in, the more you are sure that all you truly want in this world is to finally find out what's on the other side. Is heaven real? Or is it all just a never ending void of darkness? No matter what lies beyond, this life has made me brave enough to do the damn deed, with just a moment of potentially unimaginable levels of pain, you'll have the only thing you want now. Death