In Love With

I don't know what it is. I don't know why I'm in still in love with him. Some people say it's the memories that you're still in love with and not the person them self but its him. The memories help but they aren't what keep awake at night. I'm up sometimes until 4am playing the scenarios of all the what ifs. What if we were still together? The memory of us slow dancing just turns into me imagining our first dance as husband and wife. And the memory of him walking through the door in his uniform after a long day at work just makes me wonder what the feeling would be like if that was an everyday occurrence. I could say I'm in love with the memories but I'm also in love with future that we will never have.