Intrinsic Struggles
Flashes of the past, in an hour glass
Sanding back in reverse in my mind,
That's a rehearsed ritual.
These nightmares are so habitual.
Pull up a chair and I'll listen to you.
Makes me feel better about the mess I call a life.
A supposed leader, but even I have not the slightest clue.
Virtually engaged so I can cut off from real life.
Lately me and whoever is around haven't been on the same page.
Relationship estranged and I lost a grip because I can't figure out
How to love when I'm so full of rage.
In a room full of people feeling like I'm in here alone.
Like how can I never have taken a drug but feel so spaced out?
You want something dirty done, you do it at lights out.
And at some point I wanna trade in my heart..
Because I don't wanna be the good guy.
Tell my mama she should have not raised me right..
I wanna be on the corner selling strikes.
And sleep around on my girl even though she treats me right.
And I wanna doubt everything I was taught about Christ.
So I can have an excuse when they tell me I should know wrong from right..
And be happy and go untouched and have it all.
Until maybe one day I die in a gunfight.
And I can use the last 7 minutes of my life...
To reminisce on what I've done wrong and what I should have done right....