When words can’t fill the captions

On the screen, I scream to the Heavens

That I’d like to flee.

If this is all that life has for me,

Then could you please be so kind as to

Alleviate the burdens of walking

This world for me.

I see the grass is green in my neighbor’s yard, not knowing what gruesome scenes

They had to partake in;

Look for God to intervene.

Intrinsic motivation doesn’t exist

When you’re pumping out work seemingly

For no rewards and all risks.

This struggle is ongoing,

Rain seems to pour forever like the

H.A.A.R.P. machine malfunctioned

And by accident made Helene then doubled

Back as a new identity, and many

Can’t flee the scene.

I’m sorry, I’m all out of prayers.

The words aren’t connecting to the clouds

When it’s pouring down.

I’m drowning out to sea,

Would swim to shore but I never learned to

Swim amongst the sharks in boiling waters. Remembering all the things I want to be.

So the more I dream, the more reality

Becomes a nightmare for the American

With no need for a wrestling ring.

I polished this old rusty crown they

Handed me and broke it with a hammer

Because I’ve been branded something

I can’t live up to being.

Immortalized by the scribes in my mind.

My stoicism belies my loving nature

And when you first saw me, you probably

Had a notion about how I was defined.

You are everywhere all at once,

All the time.

You're many characters in my stories

With different names, different glories.

The reason for my poems, the reason for my rhymes.

Every single thought that I transcribe of you

Gets put on a piece paper so you can be immortalized.

My prayers, my wishes, my hopes, and my dreams.

All of the ideas that I threw away and shredded at the seams.

The scenes about me and you seem seemless

When I pen the fairytale of our lives with an eye's gleam.

To be loved by a poet is serene.

Because you're the main character in every book, defined by a penmanship that is motivated by a love never before seen.

I can't help but to draw sunshines with these words.

When you are the subject, every noun, every verb.

Look at you, a goddess.

I have been tested in many ways but remained heartless.

Your aura sends shockwaves through my atmosphere.

Your heart plays the instrumentals of my favorite song.

Where do we belong? Instructions given, but unclear.

I string along these notes to denote

That everything before you has been demoted.

Sit down, listen to the waves of our love

Radiate through the airwaves, I don't need air

Because when you're around, I'm as high as a dove.

You're intoxicating my emotions, I must beware.

How I've fallen so hard for you without a parachute.

Life doesn't make much sense without you.

I was asked to describe you and I didn't have a clue.

How do you describe perfection?

How do you describe a dream come true?

When every waking moment is a thought of you.

A smile that replaces the effects of the sun's gleam.

So beautiful, so graceful, so serene.

You're a blessing directly from Heaven's scene.

You lied to me.

You told me that you weren't special.

But you are everything I could ever want or need.

You are so beyond words. You, I don't deserve.

But I have tears in my eyes just knowing

That an angel has been placed in my world.

And for their next trick, call it the disappearance act.

The room becomes empty before I can even react.

I never told you that was my last, but when I gave it

I was glad.

Until it's time to pay the piper,

Then I'm sick from the incisor bites from the viper.

Prisoner to my mission, speaking from battered intuitions.

Writing with no purpose; cursed with a mind that lurks

Beneath the surface of the earth while being unburned

So my mental state resides in a recycled turbulence.

Slip into a drive-by depression like my

Motivations for ever wanting to live are regressing.

Can't find the inspiration.

Life is all about introspection.

My headaches cross ways with my stress at the intersection

Of love and hate.

Bills pile up along with this exhaustion that I can't escape.

Spend most of my days with my headphones on,

Zoned out, ignoring texts and calls that emerge from my phone.

Why do I even attempt to speak logic

When stupidity is brolic?

Frolic in poisonous flowers and paint the hearts violet.

I choose violence when I speak the truth.

Between me and you, I was only keeping up a wall

Because I don't trust any of you.

I lost my grandpa before I made something of myself.

Said I'd not make that mistake with my grandma

And I'm not sure if I did or not,

But last year was the end of that journey.

Back to back, lost my dad after that.

So now I'm here plotting, trying to figure out

How to retire my mom and make a million out of a dollar.

Corporate or blue collar, can't call it.

I'm not sure I'm all in, but I know every lecture that I'm involved in

Kills my passion for this writing shit.

Lifeline, can I dial in?

Hey God, it's your boy again.

I'm currently just going with the wind.

No, I'm not emotionless.

Just smarter about who I share them with.

Deep down. I may be chasing something that doesn't exist.

I may be the last one who operates within nirvana

On his hopeful stride to Arcadia.

Haley's comet passed by so I could make a wish.

I simply wish that I could think of a better wish.

Something more selfish because the world

Doesn't deserve a hug or a kiss,

Saw them kill a kid, rape a woman, and beat a man to death,

Watched them threaten my life, wave a gun in my face

When I was simply existing.

Saw them take the food away from the poor

Just to watch them kill each other for scraps.

Saw them tell us that we can't pray; there is no church in this wild.

And have them divide us by race like we could choose as a child.

Made the women believe that all men ain't shit.

And the ones you do get, you're just looking for rich.

Saw too many evil things in my dreams as the world

Falls apart at the seams.

Burning buildings, diseases with no vaccines.

Having humans test artificial intelligence just to replace human beings.

#WeAreUrijah

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

In a Texas tornado match without a tag partner.

Handicapped by my own unselfishness.

Blowing with the winds of change, deranged to think

I’m sane after everything I’ve overcame.

Play the game. Write down expressions but never exaggerate—

Also never elaborate.

Uno, solo dolo..Marco without a polo.

If ever hesitant to take a chance,

Just turn the clock back and yell YOLO.

Why not though? Everything is a lie and it’s right beneath your nose.

I suppose if you ask the U.N. the same questions,

You’ll get a list of all the souls they’ve sold.

Crap shot, shoot the Darien Gap, watch the structure collapse.

Commit treason for an underhanded reason.

Take the sovereignty away by the region.

Control gone.

No one wants to read and wake up.

So it’s not the blind leading the blind, it’s the blind

Breeding the blind because

Everybody who encompasses the theory of relativity

In such a way of connecting the

Dots to what I’m saying is either not large enough in numbers

Or already dead.

I still offered my assistance and care to those who left me on read.

Still gave away my last when I didn't have anything left but a piece of bread.

While everybody sits back arguing over who’s better between Clark and Reese.

While everybody fights over pigment like a color of skin makes any difference

Of the struggles we’re in.

They’re burning down the current structure to make way for

Building blocks and chains to create a problem you won’t have an answer to.

But guess who does?

#WeAreUrijah

Memories coincide with the facades

Of confident strides that makes me realize

That since I'm fighting, I'm alive.

Everybody we lost, the only objective now is

To keep their memories and legacies alive.

No longer on redemption, this is me showing my

Gumption. This is me putting pen to paper to

Quiet all assumptions.

I lost my mind 1000 times but I serve a God

Bigger than any giant or any problems.

The scale is off binary, so I stop at 9.

Computer time, pocketed the flow

And sealed it up so I can keep the feeling of

Production on my mind.

Grades all A's but I'm procrastinating a bit so

I'm barely meeting deadlines.

I write entire books in my mind,

Sometimes I wonder how I do it.

Then I take it back to Ephesians..

I don't sleep at night

So I have no concept of time.

I'm done holding grudges..

I'm just giving out the energy that

You give to me.

And if you want to square off

Then I'll happily oblige.

Nice to meet you. I'm Shad to a lot of you.

Dad's name, Jax to the internet.

Aamon to the viewers, The Author

To the listeners.

Urijah to the ones who showed up

Carrying their own cross..

But truthfully, I'm no one.

Just another soul roaming

Aimlessly until he stumbled upon

His calling.

#IAmUrijah

My, how you've grown.

How are you doing?

The closest thing I can get to seeing you

Are the pictures your mom post.

And since I can no longer watch from the stands,

It's the only way to cheer for you. I'm proud of you.

I know your mom has told you I had forgotten about you.

Truth is, I think about you both everyday.

At my dismay, I'm the villain in you guys' story,

No cape to save the day.

I remember every laugh, every day we used to play.

You've replaced your Barbie house with a basketball.

Since we've last talked, I've lost important people;

My grandma and my dad to be exact.

I'll even throw your mom's name in the hat, even though she's still with us.

It feels like I'm breathing ether.

I know your mom put all the blame on me,

And if that is what it takes for her to be at peace, then I'll accept my fate.

I just thought that you should hear my side of things,

And let you make your own decisions on if you hate me.

Do you hate me? I hope not. By now, I'm surely forgotten.

When your mom and I met, I was young,

Maturity wasn't on my side yet.

I had this thing that I'd disappear when I felt like my presence was a detriment.

Turns out, leaving was very hurtful.

I was selfish, but what would you do?

In my mind, you had a dad, I was just a placeholder.

I could never replace what you and your real dad have.

I know it's dumb. And maybe I made you sad.

That's the last thing I'd ever want, maybe one day you can forgive me?

You and your mother both.

In my life, I spend it most days very conflicted.

Sometimes I hate myself.

Sometimes I feel like I can be a hero to the masses.

Sometimes I skip classes, other times I ace tests.

For sure, I thank God at least if I don't have a word to say.

There is never a way I could repay either of you for inviting me into your home,

And then throwing it all away.

I hope that you and your dad are in a good space.

He means well, but honestly I never knew what it meant to him

Until I was in his place.

I promise, not all men are idiots like us.

We love you, sometimes getting that message across is as tough as love.

But if I never see or hear from you or your mom again,

Thank you, and I love you.

Until we meet again.

He woke up to a sunny day.

In disguise sees the rain

Tuck the tears away.

He brushed his teeth and washed his face.

Decided that today was a great day to

Clean his soul and his place.

No sage needed, just to pray.

Goes to the store, he bumps into a lady.

Have you ever believed in love at first sight?

Will today would be the day.

Perfect height, pretty eyes, perfect traits.

In fact, he may have seen her in his dreams

The other day.

He’s nervous..what does he even say?

She’s smiled at him, that takes the anxiety away.

Hey, I’m sorry miss, but I have to know your name.

She speaks with eloquence, sounds just

Like an angel.

Is she a blessing from God,

Or a trick handed from Satan?

He’d never thought it possible.

He thought he’d be alone forever more,

Love is just not plausible.

They started hanging out.

They started making out.

Al the motivation he needed,

How quickly he had found.

To share that happiness with a blessing

Is a blessing.

No more stressing, only on her body

Is he caressing.

He’s like F it, tonight we make it to forever.

Start the dinner, it’s rented with his

Custom instrumentals.

He proposes on one knee, she’s cheesing.

Everybody that’s watching is grinning.

Clapping for the scene of what seemed to be

Serene, pure bliss, love; angels begin to sing.

Only now the clapping has turned sinister.

She turned cold instead of warm, he

Could feel his soul leave his body.

She turned around to him and said

This is your forever karma.

You’ll dream the same dream, but it’ll always

End up the same.

So you can feel the same pain

That you caused when you were immature

And playing games.

The stanzas aren't flashy enough.

I format it simple to leave out the fluff.

Like my words aren't deep enough to

Hit you where it bleeds.

I guess my voice isn't deep enough

To shake out the leaves.

I thought putting my passion down on paper

Made me the definition of artiste.

Your hyperbolic, hyper-technicals blinds

The vision of the editorial reads.

I star every email that rejects me.

It's a tactic of motivation so my life

Won't in turn be the death of me.

Watched my grandpa get cancelled by cancer.

Watched a gun flashed in my face,

But death wasn't the answer.

Saw my grandma, last year fall to the same.

Then immediately after that, for my dad,

The reaper on the horse came.

Promised my mom I would never stop

Until she's able to retire.

Watching her health decline,

It's a punch to my pride.

Because if I don't complete my mission before

Another override,

I don't think there's enough praying

To keep the demon inside.

I wake up like why am I trying?

Most days, it's impossible for me

To see straight without a bottle of I.

Am I the worst thing to ever happen to you?

When I just want to back down,

My conscience tells me stand up and fight.

If you truly believe in God,

Then there's no reason to cry...

But, after so many rejections,

It's not easy to keep trying.

I had a dream about the ocean.

The sun illuminated the waves of the current.

I could hear the sound of the water's emotion.

Nature in it's purest, but I don't mean to rant.

This dream was just so vivid.

I felt so alive, with my happiness emitted.

I couldn't help but wonder why I was so committed

To this ocean that I seldom get to visit.

So serene and although it was a dream,

I had found a way to grasp the feeling from the scene.

As I gazed into the beautiful hue reflecting

From the sunlight, I realized that you are the

Reason my reality is so surreal so my R.E.M.

Becomes more of a defection because why would I

Want to dream when in real time I have the real thing?

When I hear your heartbeat,

It's a melody of the tapestry that signifies

What you mean to me defined by the sounds

Of the choir of angels rejoicing at the Savior's feet.

I have not quite seen anything on land nor sea,

As beautiful as you make my life out to be.

As I sit on this beach with the sand beneath my feet,

I akin this euphoria to your easing tranquility.

A being so sweet that her love is immersive.

I love this feeling that you give me.

Feeling love all from what my vision can see.