Setting Free the Jar of Broken Dreams
Cara Davis
Rain gently knocks against the pane of glass separating me from the bustling London street. My toes curl deeper into the soft blanket and my fingers tighten against crisp, paper edges. My traitorous heart tells me this is the story I want. But it can only be the story I read. Besides, true love, any love, leads to pain. Love shreds hearts. It destroys them. So why do I want it so badly? Hadn’t I learned from last time?
I snap the book shut, my heart aching. The scent of cinnamon and vanilla wafts through the air from the small candle on my nightstand. Why do I keep reading this book? It only makes me remember.
Darcy’s words tumble through my mind. I’m sorry, Cara… I thought I loved you…
Love is cruel. Love is a lie. Love shreds hearts and it destroys them.
***
Cara Davis
The quiet fall morning brings peace to my tormented soul. The scent of coffee and freshly baked scones floats from the small shop across the street. People walk up and down the little sidewalk of my apartment. Children laugh, it’s bubbly, and light. They don’t know what pain is yet. Then there are the couples, giggling and holding hands. Why the pretense? Don’t they know love can never last?
The pain in my chest worsens and I tear my gaze from the strangers holding hands. I munch angrily on my croissant. People are so daft. So blatantly daft.
A door squeaks open and shut and I look over my shoulder. My head snaps back. Not him. Not again. My new neighbor had moved in nearly 6 months ago. He claimed he traveled the world and never stayed in one place for more than six months. He was daft, too. Always talking about life and its wonderous pathways to adventure.
“Cara!” he shouts with a grin in his voice. “Cara Davis!”
I hide my cringe as I turn. “Good morning, Andrew,” I say curtly.
The morning sun catches his blonde hair, briefly turning it gold. His grin broadens. “Indeed it is! I’m off to find adventure in London!”
That’s so very American of him. Andrew seems to think adventure is just around the next corner. He is perfectly adorable. But wondrously daft in the noggin.
“Do enjoy yourself.” I take a sip of tea, hoping he’d take it as his cue to vanish into thin air.
“Thanks.” Another grin. I wonder if his eyes are sparkling. I look up briefly, straight into the blue depths. I quickly turn away. Yup. Sparkly. “What’s on your agenda for today?”
I struggle to keep from grating my teeth. “Tea. A book. Cat time.” I steal a glance at him. Cats were always a big turn-off, maybe he’d leave me alone.
Something in his chiseled features soften and I realize I’d made a huge mistake. “That sounds like an adventure all in itself.” He nods his head to me. “I do hope you enjoy it.” He goes to turn away, but then stops himself. “Just remembered something.” Suddenly he looks nervous. “Since we’re neighbors and all, I wanted to give you this….” He sets a slip of paper on the bench next to me. Then he’s gone.
I stare at it a moment before I pick it up and read its contents. It’s his number. My stomach fills with acid. It burns and pushes up my throat. I remind myself of the things I’d learned. It’s the only way to keep myself protected.
Love is pain.
***
Andrew Dunn
Time is ticking away. I’d been here almost 6 months already. Surely, 3 days would be enough time to get her to agree to at least get to know me as a friend. Though I seriously doubt it. Cara had kept her walls up long before I’d come into her life. It isn’t fair. There is so much life to live, so much to enjoy, and she’s missing out on it all. So why won’t she budge? What is she so afraid of?
It hadn’t taken long after meeting her that my “adventure” in London turned dull. The realization that some people simply couldn’t live tormented me daily. I remember once, her slipping and calling me Darcy. It was then that it had dawned on me, that she’d been hurt and simply couldn’t see anyone but the jerk who’d stabbed her heart. I want to show Cara what living is really about. But she's trapped. Too asleep. What would it take to awaken the sleeping beauty?
It’s nearing evening by the time my apartment comes into view. A smile tugs at my mouth.
Cara is draped across the bench, asleep. Her dark, messy braid is flopped out behind her, and whisps frame her delicate features. My eyes drop to her hand which is still tightly clasping her tea canister and I chuckle to myself. That woman was addicted to tea. Then again, so was everyone else in London.
As I walk past her, I come to a screeching halt. What am I doing? This opportunity is way too great to pass up. What’s one more withering glare and British insult?
With a little grin, I slowly step back and swipe a leaf off the ground. It’s time to wake up, Cara Davis.
***
Cara Davis
Something tickles my nose and I brush it away. Such wonderful dreams shouldn’t be interrupted. There’s a low chuckle and my whole body stills.
I’m not in my bed.
My eyes flash open and I jerk upright. My empty canister falls to the ground and Andrew jumps back, thinking it’s full of hot liquid. But he’s grinning.
“Did you ever get around to that book? Or tea? Or cat time?” His eyes are sparkling. I look away.
“I didn’t,” I admit. My eyes drift to the skyline and my stomach drops. It was nearing evening. Or maybe the sky was only dark because of the clouds. Distant thunder rumbles.
“Hmmm,” he muses, eyeing me over. “You don’t get out much, do you?”
“You’ve been my neighbor for how long, again?” I toss him an incredulous look.
He laughs. “True that. I haven’t seen you leave once except to go to the coffee shop for croissants.” Something flickers over his face, and his eyes lighten as though he discovered an answer to something. “Would you be interested in joining me for coffee tomorrow morning? On me, of course.”
My muscles go tight. Painfully tight. I can’t look at him.
“Thank you for the offer, but no.” My lips tighten. If he only wanted a friendship, he wouldn’t have given me his number and then asked me out to coffee on the same day. No. He wanted more than that.
“You’re scared,” he blurts, face completely serious. It suddenly turns crimson when he sees me cringe. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
I grab my fallen canister and stand abruptly. “No need for apologies, sir. Good day.” I turn briskly and start walking to my apartment. He jogs after me.
“Am I right, though?” he asks.
I grit my teeth. When would he get the message? I fumble for my key as I near my door and he jumps in front of me. For the oddest reason, I’m not the least bit frightened. He had never done anything to make me fear him. If anything, I felt safe when I was around him. I shake the feeling away. He would just be another Darcy. Too cute for his own good, yet in the end, leave me with a dagger in my beating heart.
“Hang on,” he says softly. “I need to know before I make more of a fool of myself. You’re scared anything that becomes of us will leave you hurting. You’re scared to risk falling in love. Like you’re scared to risk a lot of things.”
My heart is roaring in my ears. How dare he make such accusations. How dare he. But I don’t feel angry at him for voicing the truth. I’m left with an empty feeling.
I watch his hand lift and feel him gently tug my braid. “It’s okay, Cara. I understand. If you ever change your mind, you have my number.” He winks and backs away, leaving me speechless.
***
Andrew Dunn
Dude! What is wrong with you? My mind is going crazy. Never tug a girl’s braid. Never. Especially when they’re high on caffeine! The dangers of that were taught to me well before I’d reached the ripe old age of twenty-five. And I’d gone and just yanked it and said something incredibly mushy. I’d been in London too long. It was the accents. It had to be the accents.
I lay in bed, my heart still pounding as I stare up at the ceiling. The truth is… I’d fallen for Cara Davis a long time ago. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days seeking adventure with her. I just hadn’t realized how hard it would be to get through to her. Not with that shield constantly up. How can I show her the joy of living like there was no tomorrow? How can I show that to someone who only lives for tea, books, and her cat?
A wry smile tugs at my mouth as I envisioned the creature. Fluffy and overloved, it liked to watch me from Cara’s window seat while it bathed itself. Likely it thought I was an intruder who had to go.
The scent of rain drifts through the crack in my window and I bolt upright. Rain? A chuckle slips out of my mouth as I draw closer to my window. Yes! Rain! There is nothing freer than standing in the rain and letting it fall on you. If one looks directly into the sky as it rains, they can truly feel the insignificance of their life. We’re so small in this big world and I want to live my small life to the fullest extent.
***
Cara Davis
A cool breeze slips through the open window, carrying the scent of rain. I sit on my bed, thinking of the day before. It’s okay, Cara. I understand.
My throat tightens. How can he understand? He lives life like it has no tomorrow. My whole body aches to do the same. I long for the taste of that freedom.
Lily purrs as my fingers trail through her fur. My orange and white feline friend seems to be the only logical one. She has no prospects; she doesn’t want any. And she is happy. Why can’t I be happy, too? Why am I the only one struggling to find my place? To find peace? To find love?
No.
Love is a lie.
A clap of thunder shakes the apartment, and Lily yowls, jumping from the bed and out the window.
“Lily!” I shout, rushing forward. But in her mad scramble, she lunges into the yard, fearfully finding shelter under the bench. “Oh, the daft little beast!” I grunt out. Perhaps not very logical after all.
I slip on my house shoes and rush out my door just as rain dumps from the sky instantly soaking me to the core. More thunder follows the first and I shiver. Lily jumps up, darting back into the window. I let out an irritated sigh.
Before I can follow Lily’s outstanding wisdom, I hear a loud, joyous laugh and turn, not surprised to see Andrew standing outside his door.
“It’s raining!” He grins at me, and I’m filled with confusion.
“Your powers of observation are impressive, Andrew,” I call dryly. I try to make my way back to my door without slipping.
“Ah! Live a bit, Cara!” Andrew laughs again, and before I can stop him, he takes my hand and twirls me. For that brief second, the world is frozen.
My body turns hot and then everything speeds up and the rain is pouring harder than ever. I can only stare at him. At his gentle, yet somehow shy, smile. Oh, this confounded man. It is like his one goal in life is to tear away my rules.
Love leads to pain.
But did it have to?
His breath is slightly ragged, and he swallows. “We should go inside before we catch a chill,” he suggests, finally letting my hand go.
I nod numbly and flee. Daft cat.
***
Cara Davis
The water from the shower had warmed me to my core, and now I breathe in the steam from my chamomile tea, letting it swirl through my body. My book sits abandoned beside me. Why must I be like this? Why can’t I let this fear go? It’s consuming me. Drowning me. Maybe Andrew won’t be another broken heart. Maybe he’d be different.
Let this fear go, my heart begs.
No, my mind screams out. It’s not worth it! The gaping hole in my heart from Darcy’s dagger is still there, open and oozing. Another dagger would kill me.
I breathe in more steam, watching the warm glow of my candle dance shadows across my room. The freeness of its flame reminds me of Andrew. I blow the candle out.
***
Andrew Dunn
I pace my small apartment violently. Nothing can calm my nerves. Not even another random adventure in the streets of London. I had twirled Cara Dunn in the rain. In the rain! My heart is still pounding. I’m a madman, aren’t I? Wanting something that’ll never come. She isn’t going to budge. It’s like every time she looks at me all she can see is the pain that might come with a relationship. She’s frightened to take risks. How can I make her see that life is full of risks? How can I make her see that she can never truly live if she doesn’t take risks? Being alive, being safe in a bubble, that’s not living.
In those early months, I’d speak to her of all the places I’d traveled. It had been the most I’d seen her eyes dance. The idea of the freedom I had spoke to the very depths of her soul. I want to share it with her, the adventure of life.
But not today. Today, I’m the creep who dances in the rain.
I let out an agitated groan. I have to do something to get my mind off her. I grab my guitar off the wall and start strumming it. It needs tuning, so I do. After, a little song comes to mind and I start singing by my open window. Instantly, I’m sucked into my own world. But it doesn’t last. As I sing words of adventure, I can only picture Cara by my side and my heart aches to share that world with her. If that was ever going to happen I have to act fast. Time is running out. I look at the train ticket on my mantel. In one day, I’d board that train and likely never see Cara Davis again.
***
Cara Davis
Hot water floods my small tea cup and my tea bag inks the water with its golden hue. It’s raining again. Soft, instrumental music floats from my Bluetooth speaker, and somewhere Lily is pretending to be a race car. I sink into my small window seat and surround myself with plush pillows. When the rain stops, I crack my window open to feel the fresh air on my skin.
Low singing slips in alongside of the fresh air, and my heart skips a beat. Andrew is singing. His words carry like an adventurous river. He sings of the unknown. Life. Loss. Love. It tugs at my soul, and at my heart, making me want to go on a grand adventure. Not just any adventure. An adventure with Andrew.
I can hear him now, all nonchalant, and adventure in his eyes like mist from faraway mountains. “Have you made up your mind yet, love?”
And I can see me, hear my cynical words as my face turns cold, as my heart turns cold. “Love is a jar of forgotten dreams, Andrew. That’s all it’ll ever be.”
I shut my window, getting the sound of his voice out of my small apartment. I squeeze a pillow tightly as hot tears stream down my cheeks. I’m a fool for wanting something so unrealistic. Love isn’t real. It’s not like the books.
Love is cruel. Love is a lie. Love shreds hearts. It destroys them.
***
Cara Davis
It’s early morning when I hear the knock at my door. I quickly slip into my robe and answer the door. Andrew is standing there, hair messy and eyes tired.
“Good morning, Cara,” he says weakly. “I’ve been thinking a lot. I actually didn’t get much sleep last night.”
That made two of us. I hadn’t slept well since he waltzed into my life.
“Oh?” I say coyly. “What have you been thinking about?” My stomach is squeezing, and my heart is doing a strange flutter.
His eyes are pained almost, it’s a strange look I’ve never seen on him. He takes a deep breath like he’s preparing to go to battle. “I’m just going to say it,” he says tiredly, “and you can laugh at me afterward. But here goes.” He takes in another deep breath. “I hate seeing you alive but not living. There’s so much more to life. I want to show you it all. I want to show you how to live. I want to give you the world on a silver platter. You deserve more than what you have. You deserve more than this fear that keeps you bound. Come away with me, Cara. I can give you the world.” His eyes are pleading. Begging.
I don’t realize tears are running down my cheeks until a breeze brushes against them. “Andrew…” My throat is tight, too tight. The gaping hole in my heart widens as a reminder. “Andrew, that sounds… lovely. But the risk of pain isn’t worth it. For either of us.” More tears escape as I watch his heart crack right before my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, casting my eyes away.
His knuckles are white, but not from anger, not like Darcy. “Love will always be worth it, Cara. Sometimes we get hurt. Bad. But that’s a part of life. You can’t live and not get hurt. And I see it in your eyes, the longing for more. The longing for life.”
My body is completely still. I force myself to meet his endless blue eyes. “You’re right.” My voice cracks. “But the risk… It’s too high. I won’t put myself through that again. Goodbye, Andrew.” I shut the door before I can chicken out. I hear his footsteps fade away and I sink to the ground, covering my mouth to keep from sobbing loudly.
***
Andrew Dunn
The chilly London air bites my skin as I walk away from the apartments. My stomach is in knots. I feel as though I’m forgetting something.
You are, idiot. Cara Davis.
I had been right, of course. She is frightened to the core that I might destroy her heart. If only I’d had more time to show her not all risks lead to pain. But this ticket isn’t refundable. A new adventure is just around the corner. An adventure without my strange, little neighbor. Why doesn’t that sit well with me?
Because she’s a spark to a brighter flame, you giant idiot. You knew from the moment you laid eyes on her.
My heart sinks. I have to remind myself there’s only so much you can wait for someone. There’s only so much you can push. I left her my number. She knows how to call me if she changes her mind.
Don’t be daft, I thought with a strangely British accent. She isn’t going to call. Once I’m gone, she’s going to go to great lengths to forget I’d ever come into her life.
Once I step onto that train, an adventure with Cara Davis will never happen.
***
Cara Davis
The following day I find a note taped to my door from Andrew. My heart sinks as I read it.
I never stay in one place long. I’m leaving. I’m leaving to find adventure. I had wanted to find it with you, Cara. But I can’t force you to change your mind. You have my number if you ever want to find me.
The note flutters to the ground. Like a punch to my gut, my head is filled with memories.
Rain falling in the yard, Andrew spinning me, the look in his eyes. Those sparkling, blue eyes. “Come away with me, Cara. I can give you the world.”
“I’m sorry, Cara… I thought I loved you…”
Andrew isn’t Darcy. He had done nothing but show me what life could be. Darcy was a liar. Andrew… he was true. He was real. And he had offered me the world itself.
But love is a lie… It’s not real…
No!
What I had with Darcy wasn’t love. That wasn’t real. But Andrew… it could be very real. It could be life itself. I just had to make that jump. Without fear. The pain of the past doesn’t compare to the hope of tomorrow. Not even close.
***
Cara Davis
I run as hard as I can through the rainy streets of London. The sounds of train horns fill the air as I near the train station. I push faster. Faster. Faster. I reach the train station doors and burst inside. It’s flooded with people, all bustling about as they head to their destinations. I didn’t know which train Andrew was going to take. I don’t have much time. My heart pounds loudly like a war drum in my chest.
Don’t let him go. Don’t let him go. Don’t let him go.
“Andrew!” I scream, pushing through the crowd. “Andrew!” I call for him over and over. I make it to the trains. People file on board like ants. I’d never be able to spot him.
My heart sinks and suddenly the train station is quiet as the last person boards. The train leaves. Andrew is gone.
“Andrew,” I say weakly. What had I done? What had I given up?
“Cara?”
I spin, and my heart soars. It’s him. He’s still here. Sitting on a bench with his suitcase. Confusion flickers over his features and he slowly stands.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, and I see the slight puffiness under his eyes. He’d been crying.
I make my way to him. I’m wet and wind-blown, and my eyes are far more puffy than his. But I don’t care.
“You didn’t get on the train,” I whisper.
He gently wipes the tears and rain off my cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Some adventures are worth waiting for.” I see the question in his eyes.
“You were right,” I cry softly. “About everything. Because the fact is, it would hurt more not taking the risk. I want to know what it feels like to fall in love for real. To be loved. I want to know about adventure. And living. And I want you to show me. I want you to show me everything, Andrew. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of holding back.” I move closer, taking his hand. “Take me away with you, Andrew,” I whisper. “Teach me to live.”
His eyes are shining with tears, and I feel a tremble in his hand. “Oh, Cara,” he says softly. “You’re awake.”
***
Cara Dunn
It is mine. All of it. Every path we take. Every adventure we choose. It’s mine. This life. This freedom. And it is all because of the man I fell in love with. I took a risk. And he showed me I didn’t have to fear anymore. He took the hole in my chest and filled it with his love.
The wind whips through our hair as we cling tightly to the railing at the end of the train car.
“Live a bit, Cara!” Andrew shouts, grinning at me as he whoops loudly.
With one arm, I cling to him, then throw the other into the air as I let out a whoop louder than his. Why had it taken me so long to realize the truth?
Love is caring. Love is true. Love mends hearts and it builds them up.
Author Name: Charity H.P.