No good deed goes unpunished

"I would like to request a wellness visit for my neighbors."

The officer appeared tired and skeptical as he looked away from the computer he had been typing on to glance at the speaker. "And you are?"

“Angelica Austin.”

"Ms. Austin –"

"Mrs."

"Mrs. Austin, who are the neighbors in question?"

“Gaby and Vince Kaplan."

He grabbed a pen and piece a paper to write down the names. “What makes you think they require a wellness visit?"

“I must say, first, we don’t socialize with our neighbors. We are very private people. But I pride myself on staying aware and informed, so I felt compelled to come forward.”

“Gaby and Vince…?”

“We live in the corner house, right behind the police station. You can see it from the front steps,” she said, pointing. “We just moved in four years ago. A day or two after we moved in, Gaby and Vince stopped by bearing cookies and garden tomatoes. We thanked them, but I didn’t let them in. I’m not a fan of strangers walking around my home. Within a week, I put up very artfully designed, 36x36 inch “No Trespassing” signs by the front and side doors. I’m sure you’ve seen them.”

“Yes, ma'am, we all have.”

“That kept the pseudo-friendly neighbors from coming around. MYOB, I always say.”

The officer nodded and took a deep breath.

“In addition to the signs, we installed motion sensor lights, alarms, and video cameras as part of our top-of-the-line security system. We designed the system ourselves, Jared, my husband, and I. And we did all the installation. We didn’t want strangers crawling around and getting access to our home.”

The officer raised his eyebrows. “Ma’am, I’m going to need to record your statement so it can be typed up later.”

“Certainly.”

He pressed record. “Continue, ma’am.”

“Since the house was built for a family of five or more, we have room to spare for the two of us. We combined two and created our own security room. We blacked out the windows to ensure privacy – you can never be too careful. We have ten screens on two walls showing the views from the cameras placed strategically around the exterior of the house. Three additional screens show interior views from the three entrances. All the footage saves on two different servers. We have a generator in the basement, just in case. You never know.”

“The Kaplans, Ms. Austin...?”

“We have two to three cameras on each side of the house. There are three on the side facing Gaby and Vince’s home. The GabyVince cameras, as I like to call them, face their kitchen, dining room, master bedroom and bathroom. Although the cameras are meant to keep an eye out for intruders, I have the ability to zoom. I also have sound sensors that I can magnify to hear ants crawl. Which sensors allowed me to hear Gaby and Vince.”

“You do realize that is illegal, ma’am?”

“Protecting your home is illegal?”

“Spying on your neighbors.”

“I wasn’t spying." She paused. "Per se.”

The officer shook his head but didn’t say anything.

“The first time I listened to them talking, I wondered if they knew they had an audience. They were so nice to each other. I was convinced they knew, somehow. But every time I reviewed the recordings, they were always the same. Most people drop their masks at the door and let their monsters out when they’re alone. Family gets to see the ugly more than anyone. Not these two. They hugged constantly, for Chrissake. Or kissed. When they were both home, they said “I love you” a million times a day. I don’t remember the last time I said I love you to Jared. Or him to me for that matter. We just know. Who needs to say it all the time? Do you?”

“Ma’am…”

“They were an anomaly to me. They cleaned and folded laundry together. I have a cleaning service. Of course, I follow them around when they come to make sure they do a good job. Plus, I don’t trust them. They don’t even speak English. No matter how loud I say it, they rarely understand me. Anyway, if one cooked, the other washed the dishes. We don’t cook; I love my state-of-the-art kitchen exactly as it is. Shiny and new. Looks the same as it did in the showroom. No, we order take out. Only from the best restaurants. I order, Jared picks up. No delivery. For obvious reasons. You understand.”

“Yes, ma’am. The Kaplans…?”

“Gaby and Vince have an adult son. He visits every once in a while, and I counted 30 candles on his last birthday cake - must have been a fire hazard and I wanted to warn them, but Jared convinced me it was not the best idea - so I knew they had been together a while. Long enough for the honeymoon to be way over. Like normal people. But I could see them dancing in the kitchen. And I could hear them going at it in the shower, and the bedroom and occasionally see them on the kitchen counter. They were embarrassing.”

“Definitely, illegal, ma’am.”

“I tried to stop watching but I had to keep an eye out for intruders. You never know when that car parked too long out front is a thief or a killer rather than an innocent visitor to a neighbor.

“That’s how I know.”

“Know what, ma’am?"

"That someone needs to check on them."

The officer perked up as Angelica finally seemed to reach the point of her visit to the police station.

"Did you see a crime committed against the Kaplans, Mrs. Austin?"

"No."

He sighed. "What did you see that brought you here today?"

"It’s more what I haven't seen."

He lifted an eyebrow.

"There’s no movement in the house."

He sighed again. "Might they be on vacation?"

"No. No one has left the house in at least two weeks. I noticed a while ago that Vince wasn’t going out. Maybe six months ago? Gaby was only going out to shop, looked like, then she was back home cooking, cleaning by herself. I only saw rare glimpses of Vince. No, dancing, or going at it like rabbits. A lot of are you okay? Do you need anything? I could see her helping him to the table in the kitchen or to the bathroom. About a month ago, I’d say, he stopped leaving the bedroom.

“Then maybe two weeks ago, I stopped seeing Gaby as well. She didn’t leave the house, so they are both in there. I’m worried. I don’t know what happened, but something is wrong. You need to go make sure they are alright.”

“Two weeks, you say?”

“Yes, Officer.”

“I’ll send a patrol car over right now, ma'am.”

“Thank you so much,” Angelica said, turning to leave.

“I will also be sending one to survey your security set-up.” Angelica stopped and turned back to the police officer. “What you have described is not only illegal, but also criminal.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just trying to be a good neighbor!”

“Have a seat Mrs. Austin. As long as you don’t have any recordings of Mr. and Mrs. Kaplan engaged in private activities, you probably have nothing to worry about.”

Her eyes swallowed her face as she whispered, “Oh.”