of a body, and scars that still inhale beauty

sinking in the currents, counting the waves against a cold body

wash away the sins in the dark, she said to me

at the stroke of midnight between fingertips, water cleanses

and I sink even deeper

( the deepest ledge you can jump off without losing yourself completely )

the antagonist said there is not enough light between hollow spaces, but I know that water covers every surface of a hollow heart,

this used to be a warm place, this used to be home, veins heating the skin

and breaths of unsaid words filling our walls

even counted sighs can bring relief

and now, just ashtrays left on the ground, and fog against the surface of the mirror

rough tiles treated by time, and smooth in places you don’t want to touch, yet they feel

so good

and here I lay in the shallow creek that covers my lips, enabling me to breath

you can but you don’t want to, lost in the passages of time, challenging your lungs to hold the whole world in their fragile cells, but you stay there, you stay till the fire touches your chest, as if a passionate lover, destroying you in the best of ways,

but you want to feel, you so desperately want to feel,

so you let it, you let it consume you until you are just a state of useless strings raving in commotion, but it’s not that, not that, annihilation is not your final line, it’s just the beginning as it all takes you in, challenging your state, challenging yourself, sinking even deeper under the darkness that swallows the stars, points of light on your skin

guiding you on a path that causes you to stumble on harsh shards,

the black ink within your veins building patterns for all that still lives in you, it wants to live, doesn’t it? you know it does, that’s why you sink in the waves, child,

that’s why you drown in the oceans of your own eyes, you drown in the cells

that build her universe,

the surface of the mirror cracking and showing your flaws,

the marks that can still inhale beauty

but now, just ashtrays, just ashtrays on the ground, heavy smoke in the walls, coloring your soul in stained yellows and fractured greys, but yet you sink into it all,

waiting to the last moment until every living matter of space burst out of your chest, and then you breathe, oh how you breathe, a newborn gasping for air that consists of flowers and thick sweet murmurs, swallowing unconditional love in its soft skin,

and then you hear it, you hear it so well, the thing that was lost for so long,

your core, your heart, ruby vessels hugging the world within you, and it's there, it screams, it burns, it sings so loudly, and in that one moment when there is nothing, you’re lost, you’re lost but you are found

I dare you to breathe

and it’s there, you know it is, just you and that moment when everything fades away,

just like a skipping of a single heartbeat, constructed of time

there’s nothing else you need, and you realize you’re not drowning but flowing in between songs built of everything and nothing, perfection caused by gentle chaos,

and suddenly, you’re the time, it runs through you, it breaths, but it doesn’t move for anyone else but her, she’s the reason

and somewhere in the back of your mind a distant whisper touches your skin, letting you know that the world still exists, that time still rushes forward,

and then your eyes open, refusing slumber that came from ice and frozen hopes,

it felt like snow, didn’t it? oxygen in space or the lack of it, and then you see it, noticing details, stains of matter within countless voids that were there before,

noticing the edge of the bathtub and the waves falling on the dirty tiles, how they cover the doors and sink into the purple rugs, dripping ceilings, and naked floors beneath your tender spine, yours and the house

and finally, yes finally, time and space cracks,

and it’s midnight touching the windows, and it's the night resting on your eyelids and caressing that place behind your ears, always sensitive to touch, always,

and it’s the sound of the wind and the creations sinking into you, sinking deep into you and washing away your sins, such beautiful scars they make, don’t they?

the ones that only you can touch, rough to you in its own strength,

but so smooth to the one that sees you with soft light, but loves your shadows,

despite how heavy you feel, despite how blind you became to the beauty of your structures, she sees it with her fingertips dripping of soul and honey,

with a heart that’s filled with space dust and gas, a tiny nebula resting in each of those craving particles, beating red, velvety dreams made from countless explosions, how clearly she sees you between the walls you build so well, pushing aways the layers of damaged skin, passing through the still bruised muscles and counting your ribs

as if searching for the key that only you can give her

and it bursts again, red flashes of crimson and shimmering lights of flames, fireworks, feelings, yes, those fireworks and you, and it illuminates you, and you beg for release,

you beg the concrete parts of your heart to bleed again

and you beg your wanting soul to not hide crisscrossed thoughts, and there’s a scream, there’s a wail, there’s a roar, and you do it, you strip every vein and muscle, sliding open your ribs, you do it, you do it with pain and joy,

and you do it, do you hear me ?

you...

all the world goes quiet as you open your chest for her and despite every hurt part of yourself, that cries of fear and tattooed loneliness, you do it, you do it for her,

and in between all the chaos, you find your whisper and those gentle fingertips dripping of soul and honey, of the sun you always miss the most between snow and thick trees marking shadows, and all the space of faded light in between,

and suddenly the word home feels so good on your skin, and you’re breathing it, and you never knew, no, you never knew, that such a feeling could be a caress, a kiss that reaches your soul, a heart finally feeling warmth placed in the right hands, and you stand, and your legs shake and fingers slip against rusted porcelain,

but you still stand, catching gravity within your bones,

and your feet move, just one step at a time

and you feel everything shift slowly into new structures, you’re not whole, there will always be scars on those fragile veins, bruises on broken bones next to your core, darker parts of you that cry just the same as those embraced in soft light, but you’re standing, and there is a beating sound under your ribs, and a peaceful brightness within that soul of yours that always searched for a home

and you inhale, and you’re here, and you exist

you are here, and somehow, you survived, stronger than before, even when there are days

when all you feel is weak, damaged, chewed roots mixing with the strongest lights of moonlit love and you,

and now child...

I dare you to breathe