10% Off Your Next Purchase

With your exclusive invitation,

Show up with this promo code,

For 10% off your next purchase.

All you have to do is visit your

Locally posed-for-a-camera,

Over-friendly, cashier that doesn't exist. 

Just say you saw this commercial,

And walk out with your unwanted product

With a few extra bucks in your pocket.

It’s just that easy.

Don’t be the one that misses out.

Didn’t get the message? No problem,

How does this commercial glue to the back of your mind?

Look, a wholesome family,

No struggles, only happy as can be.

Look! The actors

Holding fake gazes in an attempt

To show that loving people buy this product.

Holding so patiently, with the biggest smiles

Until our cameraman stops shaking

From being Coked-out.

Sorry, Excuse me for a minute…

Okay we’re back with another commercial.

If the last commercial didn’t get you,

Well, this one will.

Look! Here’s a child playing,

Oh, we know you love children.

Who can dismiss a child?

The Devil. That’s who.

Don’t be the devil.

Wow! Look at the little rascal go,

Running through a sprinkler 

In the hot summer afternoon.

Children are just so darn cute!

Remember 10% off with your next purchase,

Still watching? I was sure I had you on the last commercial.

Must not have children, no problem.

Ha!—No problem at all.

Look! We added a hearty dog,

Now this family is united.

Not a dog person?

Don’t worry, here’s Fuzzy the cat,

Sitting the on the opposite end

Of the couch.

Remember, 10% off your next purchase.

For reassurance, here's another commercial,

I think we will exploit your sympathetic side now.

Look... These children, dogs, and families,

All suffering from misfortunes; the children are starving;

The dog lives in a cage and has one-eye; the family is

Destroyed by natural disaster.

The product has nothing to do with their suffering,

But your mind can't tell the difference.

Remember, 10% off your next purchase. 

Next up, we having an this alcoholic beverage

For hardworking, average people, 

Just like yourself. See, everybody does it. 

Now stay tuned for the next commercial about 

A new car, so if your children are watching

They will think drinking and driving is 

Completely normal, because, hey, 

Their minds can't tell difference. 

Wow! You’re still watching,

Can’t believe you’re not at the store

Where the normal people go.

Must not need that product.

Oh, well no problem.

This company owns a lot different products

We had to take out the local businesses, you know?

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Check out our new deal

On this toxic food,

Only $1.00 for a hamburger.

Wow, Look at this kid ruffling through the couch

For some quarters. It’s just that easy.

If you’re hungry, you should eat,

And it should be cheap.

Still there? Wow, you sure are resilient.

There’s no way you’re getting out of this one though.

Look at this gorgeous woman,

Huge breasts, luscious lips,

Licking that hamburger all over.

Yeah, that’s right, give into those

Primitive instincts.

Oh yeah, I got you now motherfucker.

Still didn’t work, huh?

Well… I don’t know how to tell you this..

But... you’re not normal,

I think you may need medication…

Look! Here! A normal person,

Living healthily on this unneeded, harmful

Medication, while exercising, enjoying company

Of other actors. Don’t miss out,

This could be your stepping-stone to happiness.

Side-effects may vary, but hey, that doesn’t include you.