An Open Letter

You never thought ahead, did you?

The only thing going on in that head of yours was the next time you could get high.

That's how I came About,

isn't it?

The only thought in your mind was to move things along faster,

to chase that high a little more,

not that you were bringing me into this world.

You brought me here and you hate me for that,

even though the decision was all yours.

As I grew so did your disdain for a child

I would bang, beg, and plead for you

while your high was on the other side of the door

which meant I was just another obstacle.

A little girl begging you for love and you still didn't get the hint?

But hey that's how you have lived your whole life,

isn't it?

You soon decided that you would remove the obstacle that I was,

You would run because it is the only thing your good at,

isn't it?

You left a hurricane of hurt in your wake,

but you never cared of the repercussions if it didn't affect you.

I grew alone with the hurt you imbedded in my being,

Always afraid I could slip up and fall into the abyss with you,

Then trying to go on purpose,

Because if even you can not love me who will?

I grew and grew and the end of High School and my childhood was approaching,

But you couldn't let that be joyful, could you?

You came in with the monsoons

and you were equally as destructive.

Little girls dream of what they would get at this momentous occasion

and I was no different, but I SHOULD have know better.

A used gift card on the outside of an unsigned or addressed card.

I told myself for months while my 18th came and went,

that I would be grateful for anything.

But then her 13th birthday came,

You entered with a parade of personalized gifts, an addressed card.

I realized then why you have only ever addressed her

She doesn't remember,

and the only thing you know is how to take advantage of someone,

Isn't it.

She doesn't remember so you care,

but I'm the damaged goods you didn't want,

And I guess you still don't.

I'm still outside kicking and screaming for you to please be my dad,

But she's your new high that you didn't leave in a dwindling heap,

isn't she?

I'm truly unwanted by the one who helped bring me on this earth.

I don't know why I expected more out of you,

after all didn't I learn how to be abandoned from you?

I tried to grow up but you stayed child like,

taking only what serves you,

and giving up on hard things,

All I ever wanted was to be addressed,

but I lie in wait for someone else to pick me up and show me how to write the label.