safe

i breathe deep to keep myself from screaming

it doesn’t work so

i press my face in between a pillow and squishmallow so the sound doesn’t have a chance of escaping my room

in

out

in and out

slowly

carefully

i close my eyes to block out

the imagery flooding my irises somehow

where am i?

at home

safe

in your bed

safe?

yes

safe and sound

but what about?

no

that doesn’t happen anymore

but of course-

of course i do

but we’ve cleaned the slate

we no longer keep track of the score

well then

how the fuck am i supposed to protect myself

if i’m not allowed to hold on to what happened before?

you and i both know that doesn’t happen

anymore

but what if-

no

you can’t live in the either/or

the in between of trust and horror

so just hold on to the simple joys

count the little things you have to be thankful for

forgive her

because what else can you do?

you won’t be strong enough to leave

at least for a little while more