A day in London
Remember that Waterstones near Green Park in Piccadilly? Right after Fallow - what a wonderful meal that was. That day was a whole adventure with you; so many gastronomical firsts with you by my side! So many highlights have stayed with me... looking back, I wish I had kept a journal of our memories, happy and not so happy, together; because I cannot always rely on my brain for the correct recollection. But in all those minutes, hours spent together that day, I keep repeating the same 10 minutes in my head.
You took my hand in yours in that little café in Waterstones, and looked me in the eye. A pot of tea and a coffee filling the space between us, but both were being ignored - you had something important to say.
Thank you for showing me what love is, you said. I was stunned to hear that - me, show YOU what love is? How is that even possible? When all I did was practice restraint; holding back because I have promised myself to someone else? How could I have shown you what love is when all I could give you was my attention as a friend?
You said you've never seen a proper example of love; that you had no idea that love can look like this. You said that growing up, your parents had fallen out of love; that you cannot remember them ever being affectionate towards each other. You said that you thought that's what it should be like when we grow up and look for love. But then you said that I changed all that. You said you finally understood the wonderful thing they spoke about in movies. I could not, and still cannot understand why or how. But throughout my time with you, I realised that the why or how is not always important... sometimes things just are; and I can only be grateful and feel blessed for having them.
It's funny, because I was under the impression that throughout our friendship, YOU were showing me what love is. In the other occasions preceding that day, and the ones which followed - you were always, always there for me, in so many ways. I just had to pick up my phone, and I know you'd always answer. You made me feel safe and comforted and really, really loved - so it was a bit ironic that you were saying those words to me, rather than the other way round.
You might never get to know this; but I will forever hold your words in my heart. I have recently been told by someone who I poured all my love and my soul into that he has never actually felt loved by me in all our years of knowing and (I thought) loving each other. Your words from months ago, said on that day in London then stepped in - love-cum-armour trying to hold the pieces of my heart remotely together. Since then, your words have never failed to remind me that I AM capable of giving love, I AM capable of loving. My heart is forever indebted to you. Thank YOU for showing me what love is, on so many levels.
'Dear Universe... If I never get successful because I have a lot of fears, may you at least allow me to be happy because I have a lot of love'