The Vows

"I want to hear you say it again!"

"I wanted a friend. I wanted a friend . . ."

"I wanted a friend for life. A rainy day friend. A friend who walks in when all others walk out. You only have a single hour remaining to have all of this memorized."

"Couldn't I just shorten it? She would know, but the rest of the congregation wouldn't. Besides, everyone knows Sara is much smarter than me. They will forgive me."

"You're right. The congregation, the guests, the families, even Sara will (eventually) forgive, but none will ever forget. You and Sara went over these vows for the better part of four months now. She has them memorized. You should too."

I had my doubts about Jack. He wants to marry Sara and Sara has always wanted to marry Jack, but, I think the closer these two get to the wedding, the more questionable the wedding will actually become. First it was Jack's last two ex's and their last ditch efforts. Lisa wanted Jack for herself. Linda didn't want Jack with Sara.

Then, I had my doubts about Jack. Sara and I have been friends for years so she asked me to help Jack straighten-up and fly right. I took it upon myself to learn Jack's vows and make him learn them also. I wasn't here as the best man to accept failure. However, I wasn't going to babysit Jack forever.

Eight more attempts to browbeat a man who shouldn't require browbeating.

I gave up when he asked for a "line", interrupted my recitation of the vows, and answered his cell phone. I knew it was Lisa. If it was the last minute, it was always Lisa.

The guests heard that song. Then they listened to that question. If Jack was going to cut and run, it was now.

He did think about it though. Maybe twenty seconds is nothing for some people, but for an anxious bride and 120 guests, twenty seconds is an eternity.

Then came the vows. Sara went first leaving not a dry eye in the house. I read what she wrote and lip-synced it as she spoke. No one who feels this much deserves this little. Perhaps Jack had been playing me for the fool. Perhaps he had his vows at the ready.

Perhaps pigs fly.

Either way, Jack, offering the last of his stale boyish charm couldn't make it past the fourth word. He whispered to me for help. I gave him exactly what he wanted. Although, what I offered, was not in the hushed tones he anticipated.

“Sara. I wanted a friend for life. A rainy day friend. A friend who walks in when all others walk out. You are that friend. You offer me your hopes and dreams and desires for the life you want me to both receive and protect. Only a friend extends this proposition. Only a husband accepts it. I promise to be the man you want, the partner who will grow with you. I vow to be the faithful husband who will love, honor, and cherish you, forsaking all others, on this journey, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

The Minister waited until the commotion ceased before speaking.

Not to the guests. Speaking only to Sara.

"I can change the name on the marriage license during the kissing of the bride."

The term, "Best Man" has an origin associated with the friend of the groom during a time when the groom needed help stealing a young woman away from her family to be his wife.

Today, it is now a contest of sincerity.

I had too much rice in my hair to think about that today.