Wrong with Me

There must be something wrong with me, I couldn’t help but feel.

Some logical explanation for the reason I couldn’t deal.

Why all of those around me seemed to move through their days with ease,

while I worked and sweated and dragged myself through life upon my knees.

I sought out every defect, tried to fix everything that was ‘wrong’.

Diets, mantras, self-help books, just trying to belong.

I studied, I worked, I adventured, achieving every goal in sight.

But no matter the great things I did, they never made it right.

The beginning of the answer struck like thunder in my mind,

one early mountain morning where I tried to leave the past behind.

In that fateful moment it came rushing back to me,

The reason for the terror that had so long haunted me.

The journey has been painful, often filled with panic and fear.

But now I know what was ‘wrong with me’, why I suffered all those years.

And though the road is rocky and I still have far to go,

I am stronger in the knowing, than I ever was before.

Each time the child in my mind is forced to fight those battles again,

That stronger part comes roaring out to take the pain instead.

You see, that ‘stronger part’ is the me of today, and now I know the truth.

There was never something ‘wrong with me’, it was cruelty, neglect, and abuse.

Now instead of pulling back, of pushing away the pain,

I stand my ground inside myself and reach for her instead.

The little girl of my yesterdays, who’s lived it all these years.

I look inside and find her there, and wipe away her tears.

Only now can we find relief, together it is sweet.

I will not let her suffer alone, I am no longer weak.

The path ahead is winding, we still have much to grieve.

But one thing I know is certain, there is nothing wrong with me.