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Monthly Comedy Challenge for March.
You're on the first leg of your set, and you're bombing. You know it, they know it, the club owner knows it. Up to now, you've had some heat as a rising comedian on the verge of your own Netflix show, and a rumored role in an upcoming feature film about to tie down their contracts. Your new material is so far off from your regular bits, and the audience is confused and still unsure if you're messing with them, or have lost your edge to the moneyed life. You have that one heater in your back pocket, the best of the worst jokes you've written, beyond bad taste, but so shockingly so, it will neutralize the crowd and bring them back for the shift into your signature style. Write about the panic on the stage, the crowd, the deicision to either ride out the dull wave before you, or shake it up with the joke. Bring the funny. Winner is decided by likes, and will receive a crisp $10.00 -Go big, or go on home.

Cancelled For A Laugh

Disclaimer: Please note that I am following the prompt here and pushing the tasteless envelope. Shallowgenepool neither subscribes to this kinda bullshit nor tolerates it. You'd have to watch FOX News for that level of ignorant, stupid, sincerity.

With dread, I look out at the audience to find they aren't laughing. They're greeting my jokes with the same amount of enthusiasm as a hooker greets micro-dicked client number fifty at a one-night NRA convention. If I can't get them laughing soon, things will turn uglier than a cancerous growth on a pigs butt. Really, ducking hostilely thrown watered down $20 Long Island iced teas isn't the way I wanted to end the night.

Inner Monologue: "Fuck! A necrophiliac has a better chance of making a corpse cum than I do of making the audience laugh with this new material. Time to switch gears. It's that or give up the new Porsche, the luxury condo, and the Norwegian, double jointed, sexually adventurous supermodel that's warming my bed. Fuck it. I'll probably go straight to hell for this, but here goes nothing."

To the audience: "I just don't understand what is wrong with people these days. Remember the good old days when it was okay to make fun of those different or less fortunate than ourselves? Well frankly, I'm sick of having to be sensitive to the plight of others. Admit it, this new kinder, gentler society is fucking boring!

So, I say we should make the weak and unfortunate toughen up by our brutal, but hilarious criticisms. For example, let's go back to picking on the fat kid at school. Nothing is funnier than squealing like a pig at the size XXXXL Sears Husky brand jeans wearing porker in the lunchroom. After all, they're an easy target and humiliating them can make school lunchtime fun! If they don't want to be picked on as they're oozing their way towards their lonely cafeteria table laden down with thirty thousand calories worth of meat loaf, imitation mashed potatoes, and four puddin' cups, then they should do a fucking pushup from time to time. And by push up, I don't mean the orange sherbet filled toilet paper roll with a stick you get from an ice cream truck!

Really, why shouldn't we get a laugh at the expense of the fat kid who by the time he's ten fucking years old has man boobs that rival Dolly Parton's gravity and age defying massive mammary mounds? Is it our fault the fat Shamu-looking fuck has to Crisco himself into the boy's bathroom stall so that he can cry his gravy laced tears because he's being picked on for having the water displacement of an aircraft carrier and doesn't have any friends? I think not!

Don't even get me started on the homeless! Why do we care that they're sleeping out in the open? Think about it! Many of us homed people will plan vacations and spend a lot of money for the chance to sleep out in the open just like the homeless. It's called fucking camping! So basically, the homeless get to do what those of us with jobs and homes have to pay for. So, we're supposed to feel bad for them? Their lives are one endless fucking vacation! I think we should stop calling them homeless and start calling them camping privileged!

Every time you turn on the news nowadays you see stories about, "War Torn Refugees." Why are we supposed to care? They can take care of their situation all by themselves! All these folks need to do is connect with one of the war correspondents and have them hook them up with an Only Fans page. You know there's a lot of sick 40 year old virgins out there who live in their parent's basement that would love to whack it to some malnourished, ribs showing, cholera plagued hottie in some Third World country. Well, so long as they still have teeth. Fuck, I bet they'd even be able to ignore the bombs falling in the background! These, "War Torn Refugees" need to take the initiative! Fuck, I bet a month after they start their Only Fans page they can afford to charter a LearJet, purchase citizenship, move the the United States, vote fucking Republican, and live the American fucking Dream!

Everyone in the audience is now laughing. They're making sure everyone else is laughing because they don't want to be seen as a hateful dick, but they're laughing.

To the audience: That's my set folks! Don't forget to tip your servers. Don't drink and drive. Oh, and don't forget to check out my Netflix Special, 'Shallowgenepool: Rubbing One Out In Front of a Live Audience' streaming soon!'"

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