Who am I?

I really like this challenge. I adore writing. I know I'm not that great yet but what I do know is that I like writing, I enjoy writing because it is the only place I can be myself. I can pour all of my emotions and mould them into a character or a situation and I love the power it gives me. The only place I feel powerful is when I write because I get to decide what direction I want to give to my stories and characters, which I hope to publish someday.

I got diverted. I feel like none of my friends understand me. We used to be a group of seven friends at my university, we used to do everything together and it used to be so fun. These people made my college life worth it. Among these seven friends, we had an inner closer friend group of just 4 people. Me, my roommate let us name her 'Pam', my neighbour 'Danny' and our friend 'Amy. I loved this inner circle of friends. I felt like we understood each other so much and that this group would remain forever. My dreams were evidently short-lived. There was a huge fight between my roommate, Pam and the rest of them. I was left hanging in the middle. Left to handle both sides. I know I can never leave my roommate alone because I do not think she was in the wrong. I think one of my other friends 'Sarah' poisoned the minds of my other friends and suddenly they didn't want to talk to her anymore. Sarah has always been jealous of Pam, the way she had an inner circle that Sarah was not a part of. Sarah envied her, and still does.

Both sides were sympathetic towards me, knowing that I had to balance both friends. I put in efforts, I put in effort for four months and these days I began feeling myself slipping. I've begun feeling that Sarah, Amy, and Danny are very fake towards me, they don't really want to talk to me but they're putting in unnecessary effort. I feel my friendship with them has gotten too 'forced' hence, I've stopped trying. This has left me in a problem.

Amy used to be a really good friend of mine, I still consider her a good friend but she's gone around and made Sarah her best friend. I haven't been able to properly talk to Amy in more than a month and I regret that. She gets me, a little but I've gone and thrown it down the drain. I'm left with no energy to reconcile. I feel I've been giving too much of myself with nothing for myself.

I've also realised people only care about their own problems, they don't want to listen to other's problems if they can help it. Humans are selfish, it is a known fact. We mostly centre our lives around ourselves, thinking of others to be side characters in our movie. We fail to realise that there are simultaneously millions of movies screening and everybody is a side character in one or the other movie. The problem lies in the fact that nobody has time for my movie. I've been watching others movies for a while now but nobody is interested in mine. This is mainly also the problem of Pam, she gets too caught up in her own movie to ever even enquire about mine. She has to say something about everything.

I'm different. I've never fallen in love with anybody (not counting family and friends) I haven't really felt romantic feelings towards anyone. I don't know if I'm aromantic or not. What I do know is that everybody is in a relationship and I don't want to be in one like ever and that makes me different and weird. But sometimes I think that nobody else has really liked me either. I know that for a fact. My friends have been pretty all my life and the story has been so centred around the movies they are starring in that we never got the chance to reach mine. This is the first time I've ever admitted this insecurity of mine.

I'll be okay, I know that I'm okay with being a side character in most movies, I know that I'll be okay tomorrow but I saw this challenge and I wished to write it. Thank you so much for listening. I hope all of you do well and sleep well!