Over Thinkers Already Know
I know it's wrong. I know because we're a grade apart. Most people don't make it through high school, did you know that? We're already only three months away from summer. Our time slowly running out.
No, it's not slowly running out, after all it's running. I already know how it's going to end. I've thought about it. In my imagination it hurts, and in real life it will hurt even worse, I know that for a fact.
How is it going to go though? That's what you're asking because you've never been that bright. Do you really want me to tell you? Yes? You're sure? Let me tell you under the may flowers and bright sun that'll evaporate every year I shed.
May
It's the last week of school, I want to wait. Although there is no more time to wait. I'm not going to do it on the last day of school. The bell's already rung and my best friend, she already knows. She's waiting. Only a few yards away because that's as far as I probably can get.
" Can I talk to you really quick?" I ask, but I already know you'll let me say what I want because, that's what we're supposed to do. So we fall into the hole, between three walls with only one opening and even though it's in plain sight nobody will notice.
" What's up?" You ask. I don't have much time, my numbing antidote is falling away quickly, and I know I'll start thinking soon again.
" I'm breaking up with you." I say. It's plenty loud enough for you to hear. But you're shocked, and I have nothing left to keep me numb. I'm already starting to think, that's nothing good.
" Why?" You ask, you're pained face is more painful for me, but I know that if I show weakness nothing will work out how I need it to. But I need my explanation.
" You're going to high school soon, and if you meet somebody that is awesome, that's good for you. I don't want to hold you back. It'll never have worked out any way, we both know that." I say quickly, this already hurts to much.
" Can I have one thing?" You ask. You know it's slowly breaking me, you know what you're doing, testing to see if I'll follow through, testing to see of you can stay, can keep me. I know it, and so do you.
"Yes?" It's only a whisper because I'm almost about to cry, but I can't. I just can't.
" One last kiss?" You ask, of course this is what you want because I once told you that you're kisses could be the only reason that I'd ever stay with you. I nod because there's nothing else I can do.
I take you're face in my hands. This isn't our usual kisses, this is way to gentle. I push you away gently. I make eye contact, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I AM NOT GOING TO CRY.
I turn around, starting to walk away. My best friends right there. So I turn around and smile at you because I know if you see me cry you'll never be able to let go. I turn away. My best friend nods, that means you're gone, walking home. You're not going to turn back, that's not like you. I don't remember getting into her arms before I cry. I fall, I slip to the ground. I know why people say you have to love them enough to let them go. You can't ever be selfish. My tears fall around me, but she's there. My best friend hugging me, comforting me. So, why is it that I still am empty? Why is it that I'm like this even though I've known for so long how it'll end. So why don't I feel comforted?