Days 27-49 in Counting

I'm on Day 27 (February 19) of no contact and these are the exact questions I think about whenever my friends say "he looked at you again..."

(no day 28, February 20)

Day 29 (February 21) of no contact, god I've never realized how I smile more when I don't have you in my life.

Day 30 (February 22) of no contact, I'm so glad our paths never cross each other anymore.

Day 31 (February 23) of no contact, I sometimes find myself wondering about you and your stupid smile; we never even said goodbye but that's just life.

Day 32 (February 24) of no contact, I've never been happier to be me than today.

Day 33 (February 25) of no contact, you were my beautiful stranger 6 monyhs ago; and now you're just someone who knows too much about me.

Day 34 (February 26) of no contact, why do you look at me? Leave me alone. Get me away from your terrifying gaze that I used to crave. I really wish you the best in life; and I hope I never get to hear about it.

Day 35 (February 27) of no contact, me and "S" share a third period for school. I see him. He sees me, probably. If you want to know the truth, I still think he's cute...

Day 36 (February 28) of no contact, I smile just as big and if not even bigger now that you're gone. I'm so happy.

Day 37 (February 29) of no contact, your prescence still haunts me.

Day 38 (March 1) of no contact, I finally realized it in English class; I don't feel anything towards you. My anger? Gone. These chains of confusion? Unshackled, left it behind. I am so happy; but at the same time, I am stunned, I can't believe it.

Day 39 (March 2) of no contact, that basketball you meant to throw to your friend, which accidentally hit me in the back of the head while playing volleyball was only funny to me because it hit me. I want to say sorry to the girl who used to really like you, she deserved better.

Day 40 (March 3) of no contact, I'm looking back at your texts, "S", and who knew that we knew so much about each other, but we still defined ourselves as "strangers"

I'm glad you were never mine.

Day 41 (March 4) of no contact, I haven't been happy in a while, I'm laughing so hard as you turned your entire head to look at me and this one friend, I had told you about, when me and him were talking in the art room.

Day 42 (March 5) of no contact, I'm so proud of myself for making it this far without you. Hell, "S", if it weren't for the actions somene did to me, making me lose the guy I thought I was going to end up marrying; then I don't think I would have reached to you for the third (and last) time.

Day 43 (March 6) of no ctonact, sometimes I do forget to update the days (a sign that I am slowly forgettinf you, even if we do see each other everyday) with notifications of people that remind me, maybe people do read these days. I really liked today, March 6, despite the rainy weather; it gave me comfort, is this what it's like to move on?

Day 44 (March 7) of no contact, I might still talk about what happened with you but I know I have moved on. I'm just retelling the tale, seeing it in a new light. I'm just looking back at myself, laughing about how caught in my feelings I was; being a stupid teenager.

Day 45 (March 8) of no contact, I can't tell if I want a relationship anymore or if I'm just fine alone. I'm still yapping about what hapenned since I kept our story to myself in its final stretch; I guess 6 months was a lot with you.

Day 46 (March 9) of no contact, I am haunted with the fear of crossing paths with you again. I think it's weird, I mean it as isn't it strange to be scared of a ghost? His ghost. Are you scared of my name? Are you scared to hear of my name? Do you flinch when you hear my name? I can only wonder.

Day 47 (March 10) of no contact, I promised yo you ("S") those birthday videoes I made for my favorite teacher; too bad, I'll never get to it.

Everyone I get close with will know your name; and I can only hope they come to realize how hurt I was because of you.

Day 48 (March 11) of no contact, I am sitting here in my health class. Still pondering, still giving entertainment to the thought of if you flinch at the sound of my name or if you're also haunted by my ghost, but all I can do is wonder.

Day 49 (March 12) of no contact, I forgot to mention that "S" got this haircut, reminding me of a haircut I told him back in December. I said it was my favorite hair cut on a guy, telling him everything and why; it's just coincidence though.

The day of counting of no contact might have start on 27, but in reality he just left on the day of an important competition I told him about. I'll post more writing I did awhile back that might shed light on my story that I'm slowly retelling. Don't worry, I've realized now, the sun is shining and the grass is green; I am smiling and I am healing. That's all. Thank you for reading.