Not Ending So Fast

Storm clouds…they rage in us all

Satiating hungers, with a burning desire

We have to cast our anguish, even deeper

Ending with a need to set the world on fire!!!

So much is the lust, to give in, to the want

To feed, like a hungry and incessant liar

We feed on the feeling…the only one

Will we ever be invited, to a place much higher???

I have analyzed reality to a sickening repulsion!!!

And have nothing for the incessant gnarling inside,

I ask and pray, I hope and say…”Lord, help me to see,”

But all I want to do…I want to run away from life and hide,

Yet, all I can do is push it even deeper, back, back, further back,

Just wandering along hopelessly and listlessly enjoying the ride

Watching the mundane and inane, satiate their own hungers

If I had to say, “I enjoy the complexities of this life…” I’d lie

If I had to name a starting point, I’d say, it just grew,

From one defining moment in my life…the one I cant forget

But at the same ignorant moment, I can’t begin to recall,

Just a feeling of turmoil, disgust, rage, hate, and utter regret

Yes, I do try my best, I pray to God, I ask for peace and forgiveness

But the incessant gnarling inside, It’s some feeling I just don’t get

I want to say so many angry things, not to Him, only to me

Although, I feel as though I have lost some kind of sick bet…

I am not even angry with yesterday, I am only angry with myself

I am not even angry with the one who did it, so many days past

Satan and this demon of an absence, are my only forgettable foes

And not knowing how long this dissociation and absent reality lasts

Please pray for me, for I am, for I am honestly trying to see past these clouds

My life is, honestly a blessing in disguise, I cherish every moment cast

I Pray, the dark clouds, too shall pass away and just listlessly fade

Into a day, that goes on and on, for and an eternity…not ending so fast