Daily Schedule

When you get sick and are told you’re unable to work for the foreseeable future you go through two different reactions.

The first being excited about never having to work again, filling your days with lunches with friends, shopping for unnecessary things you know you'd never really use. Finally getting around to all the projects you put on hold because you were too tired from …..work.

The second reaction is fear. How am I supposed to live off of a savings that resembles that of a child's piggy bank. You would think I would have saved for a rainy day but my pay is below minimum wage and so was my value as an employee but that's neither here nor there. I can't just not work, how am I supposed to….live?

My routine is as follows:

5-6 am I wake up because my body is set to wake up out of habit for work (work which I can't do anymore)

I brush my teeth and wash my face. I make sure to take my first dose of medications.

I'm wide awake so I can't go back to sleep so I watch tv, there’s nothing interesting on so i put Bob’s Burgers on for background noise.

I make a mental list of all things I want to do today, which in reality I might only do two things from the list.

I don't drink coffee or tea so I grab some water and read. What I read doesn't matter, my memory doesn't hold information like it used to.

It's too early to talk to friends ...friends…friend, the only friend I have is on her way to work.

7-8 am I rummage through the kitchen for something to eat but nothing really ever fills me up.

9-10 am I contemplate taking a nap just as the rest of the house is waking up, I'm exhausted and the day hasn't even started.

11-12 am/pm I take my second dose of medications, still nothing on so I turn to youtube to watch conspiracy theories…they’re as predictable as I am.

1-2 pm I take my third dose of medication and decide to paint and work with clay. I don't know how to paint but I try, I have all the time in the world….God willing.

3-4 pm I take my fourth dose of medication and scrounge for something that looks appetizing. My friend’s off work so she calls, there's no time to hang out because she has priorities with family that outweigh girl time. She apologizes and I tell her not to worry because I get it….I get it.

5-6 pm I take my fifth and final dose of medication and make dinner for the family, well my sister and hers anyways. I wash the dishes and clean up my mess. Serving myself a plate of what I chose for tonight's menu.

7-8 pm I write stories I keep hidden because the worlds inside my head aren't meant for the people outside my head. I write poetry that's dark and opposite of what they see when they see me.

9-10 pm I get ready for bed. Scrolling through the tv there's still nothing on so I settle on Bob’s Burgers again, it's become my white noise.

11-12 pm/am I lay in silence, in the dark of night waiting to fall asleep only to start all over again.