‘The more you laugh, the more you hurt‘

Laughing at every unfunny joke, smiling at every rude comment meant to hurt my soul, shaking hands with those who caused my sleepless nights. A wide smile, a mask I put over my hopelessness, meant to please the souls that stole a smile behind the mask. I confront myself, thinking 'this will be the last day of surrender to my evil trait, pleasing humanity'. I step out of the bathroom after a ritual of tears, but the mask puts itself on my face without concern for my last promise. It sounds like a happy life, like a bird out of its cage, to confront, to scream, to break plates, and to be the devil. That is my wish, a wish of evil different from the wish of goodness. Since the goodness, left in the shape of words, smiles, helping hands, swallowed the last bit of light in my days. Will I ever scream at the top of my lungs, or will I offer a glass of wine, making a toast for my shattered heart? The devils play around, they smile when they smile, they laugh when they laugh, and they do not fear the judges of life. But here I am, not a devil, pleasing the devils as they trample on my knees, making me unable to stand up and take the last bit of hope into my hands and be the bird that escaped its cage.