To Be Had

I've never had a dog. Before you call bullshit, give me a minute to light the story.

Marcus had a dog. This was well back before we were tight. A Boxer, he named Jock. He liked the way it sounded, kinda exotic, kind of sexy, in an unobligating, irreverent way. He was in his late teens and maybe it wouldn't fly now, but at the time, it made sense, alright? Alright.

No leash. Stay at the heel, go everywhere bud. That was Jock. He had just one flaw. One fatal flaw. Cats. He couldn't stand the pretentious oversized rodents and blew a mental fuse whenever he saw one. God meant for cats to be chased. And that was how Jock met his end. It was his blind conviction. He ran a cat into traffic. The rat escaped between the tires, and Jock didn't.

No amount of calling from Marcus could bring Jock to his senses.

Nevertheless, a good dog. No dumb mutt. Loyal and driven.

His Uncle Tonio had a Doberman. I'm no snob for purebreds, but I note it makes an invaluable difference, in character. He died nameless; an important, yet insignificant part of the whole. It remains for me a summary of the selflessness of Dog. Of understanding. Pack and hierarchy.

The tale goes that ol' Tonio was a nice guy overall, but a braggard, and an alcoholic. An unfortunate combo. One night the two of them, the man and the dog, climbed the eight flights to Marcus's flat. There were a few fellas over, drinking and smoking, and they got to talking about bitches and mutts, and what makes a good dog Great.

Uncle Tonio knocked his shot back and rattled the glass on the table, wiping his mustache with the back of his hand, lifting his cap back a bit for emphasis-- letting off some heat.

"I'll tell yah what makes or breaks a Dog. If I whistle 'whewt' here!..."

...and he pointed at his dog with full command, full attention,

"and say '_____ JUMP!'  he.... "

He had him. And yeah, the Doberman jumped.

Out the open window, eight stories down.

You might say, that's stupid. But I say, that is Dog. And that is Man.

And I've never been had.

**This is a True Story**