Georgie taught me dogspeak – as dog is my witness...
ruffly recalled bark during powdered milk biscuit days of yore
when one shy boy's best friend played peaceably at war
now long since me four legged furry fried deceased
we will united when I embark on mine post life tour
an indigent (a bipedal hominid) woebegone creature
never knowing true tangible riches but never feeling poor
indulging, warbling, yipping and/or knowing
cathartic, holistic and therapeutic benefits
exercising the vocal cords, cuz “Music has charms
to soothe a savage breast” and emotionaldeck koor
so as not to resemble in temperament Eeyore
mutely, passively, and submissively
stand outside Winnie the Pooh door.
Georgie and I grew up like figuratively entwined Siamese brothers. We adored each other with unbridled, unconditional, and undeniable love. Similar to myself, he comprised being mixed breed laughingstock (read runt) among large litter. Unlike yours truly, his lineage bespoke Boxer and Dalmation. This then newborn author, and four legged puppy adopted when only scant days old forged an immediate and inseparable omnipotent bond. At first parents reluctant to allow, enable, and provide even monitored quasi playtime together.
Rather than interact (with who would quickly become best buddy's regarding four footed friend), I initially screamed till blue in face. Said anecdote shared years later by animal loving parents. Such ear (and air) piercing shrieking did not phase acute hearing inherited as part Dalmation with snout and dukes resembling his famous father, professional boxer. Constant regular exposure nudged close proximity between us from getgo (thank mom and dad) unsurprisingly bred affinity. Even without canine/infant translator, our obvious distinct species identification, differentiation, and attenuation wrought ability to understand each other. Keen discernment involving non verbal communication (predominantly interpreting facial features) in short order developed.
Blissful early babyhood (the happiest days of my life) engendered dynamic camaraderie.
Already evident as solitary (mere weeks, most definitely months after exiting wonderful whirled wide webbed womb), the sole select company of said pooch most necessary, no less than twenty four hours morning till night. House broken way before this gangly skinny bundle of arms and legs got potty trained, our mutual friend (without great expectations) would access pseudo activated trap flap door (custom designed by innovative father) leading Georgie into fenced in backyard. Upon his prompt return namedly into shared bedroom at Cincinnati, Ohio abode, his docked tail stump would wag a mile a minute. Weeks clipped fast into months as greased lightning. All the while, thee rapport between totally tubular innocent naive me counted Georgie (since prima facie encounter) to comprise purpose driven life. No doubt if ways and means existed to ask Georgie, he too would have ruffly vouchsafed similar sentiment toward a docile, happy as a lark pipsqueak.
Despite stark species disparity, a basic animal bond coalesced most likely because each of us agog at novelty to regale every moment pregnant with sensational discoveries about our respective selves and ideal fine companion. Gestures became modus operandi to relay emotions. Entry into toddlerhood inaugurated stepped up range expressing expansive realm increasing by leaps and bounds. Impossible mission to acquire rambunctiousness on par with a frenzied puppy, whose countenance bespoke cavorting, delighting, gamboling... at pace prescribed by crawling as modality regarding locomotion regarding ordinary development linkedin with protracted teetering and tottering before padding along in an upright posture. Four paws offered great advantage to prance around, whereby two little feet affixed at terminus of skinny spindle legs that remained unchanged to this day scores fast forward since obviously reveling as one quiet natured following initial few orbitz around sun with inconsolable screaming. Soon after acquiring means to verbalize, a proportional venting full force decreased. Tone of voice (versus actual enunciated vocabulary) determined reaction elicited by Georgie. All intents and purposes, nonsense syllables may as well passed thru mine lips given the truth courtesy genetics severe
nasality rendered uttering completed garbled. This speech impediment (submucous malady mutation unknown to me till enrolled in sixth grade at Henry Kline Boyer Elementary School) witnessed absolutely zero less unconditional acceptance from Georgie. No aberration, flaw, imperfection... deterred rejection. Such painful reality (subjection to vilification), patiently awaited me upon setting foot inside the hallowed halls since grade one. Unbeknownst to this garden variety sensitive son, his rude awakening would undermine treasured revered poignant nurturance. Aside from congenital speech impairment (clearly discerned), I evinced painful shyness, and unlikely the two anomalies through invisibly interconnected linkedin signals, both contributed to savage unfair treatment as de facto scapegoat affecting psychological state regarding one adorable kid.
Unanimous exception made courtesy school board to allow, enable, and provide Georgie to accompany as "therapy pet," this decades before progressive idea how Canis lupus familiaris could ease emotionally, physically, or spiritually afflicted individual. Keen prescient parent's insight how their prodigal son (the second of three offspring, and only male) exhibited aversion, i.e. obvious withdrawal amidst group of people, (particularly those approximately the same age group) prophesied psychological sucker punches. They materialized much more seriously detrimental. A signal troubling attribute (namely marked introvertedness) would become significantly more accentuated, pronounced, under_scored... with each subsequent circuit around mister sun. Inherent difficulty to integrate among mixed company analogously witnesed oppressed, tethered, yoked... palpable weight of world upon my scrawny, puny, nerdy... body. Animal companionship alleviated isolation. A portion USDA approved portion of each school day included attending private classes facilitated by petsmart thuggish bruising canine, who stood up on on hind legs while basic teaching basic bow wow tenets. Distinct bonafide accentuation (unfamiliar to unpracticed ear) necessitated exercised practiced barking, while I imagined
myself as garden variety mutt comfortably assuming stance upon faw paws, which unwittingly unleashed unintentional faux pas, especially when this then novitiate, initiate as eager cleaver associate learning to distinguish various and sundry yelping, barking as sole classmate. Oft times, I sought out fearsome GoDaddy, who resorted to AskJeeves. I needed practice to improve convincing unassuming listener, who could only ascertain whether grueling (growling) utterance the real McCoy. Donot even ask about when embarrassment arose honing skill. This self consciousness exceptionally ever present when yours truly momentarily oblivious to any inquisitive listener. Hence simultaneous minor to learn rigorous regarding ventriloquism. I thank thee sock puppet Matt Scott, the inanimate handy "dummy." "He" represented apropos fallback excuse, which conveniently allowed, enabled, and provided explanation this astute diehard, young man (kin) strove to become renown ventriloquist. The more difficult reedsy challenge constituted communicating the reason four legged friend also donned similar accouterment trumpeting inchoate progression hounding pooch attempting to impersonate me. When free and clear of intrusive eavesdroppers, the damn incredibly orating vested yawping yipper presented
quite the comedic performer. Aside from attempting to master voicing another species, (myself progressing improvement perfecting nuances linkedin with kickstaring lingual barking species doggerel), or vice versa (thee adorable creature emulating germane interlocutor (shepherding his fur row shuss bravado), I forced myself to acquire a taste for milk bone biscuits. Likewise, thine endearing, furry, gregarious helpmate till death did he part.
Unbeknownst to this student of the phonetic language what an untrained listener might identify as Ruff fudge gees, Woof flush, Yap pen ease... The major drawback to becoming fluent with countless localisms, nuances, pedigrees,... comprising the thus far non tabulated gamut of sounds emitted by Fido, Lady, Teddy,... (and of course Georgie) requires rigorous oral musculature usage very different versus acquiring speaking Lingua Franca, where one got born. Additionally no written symbols (analogous to same as pertains to indigenous tongues) exist. This imposes, forces (dint of necessity) compels,... dedicated avid dog owner literally br all "ears." Unfortunate for hearing impaired and/or totally deaf, who can only assess non verbal (most likely accurately) purported Pavlovian behavior. The
acute audiological sense plays another role (over Beethoven) significant benefit, when fluency between two disparate species progresses, whereby segwaying between native tongue and secondary (divergent) modus operandi attains natural interchange. Yes, this scenario would be similar to multilinguist amazingly gracefully flip flopping with smooth continuity between one or more established dialects, languages, "talking",... The inherent predilection to revel reading (think bookworm), when just yay high (imagine average height for tender little boy) proffered added boon. Even at young age, yours truly evinced an unbridled affinity toward oral communication in general, and English in particular.
Despite the absence of grammar, punctuation, spelling,... lacking among non Homo sapiens. Please do not quote me on this, cuz there might animal experts deciphering symbolic illogic representations with tangible proof, whereby anatomical gesticulations constitute even rudimentary alphanumeric characters. That esoteric (not so trivial) pursuit, would be inapplicable asper (in) this lad, who exhibited wolfish appetite to comprehend his best nutty buddy. Such avid enrichment found loneliness quite tolerable, née preferable than commingling among mean peers. If absolute zero recourse unavailable, thus necessitating, relying, warranting,.. upon killer instincts, a free and clear would be issued. This barked and spoken utterance, would transform former happy go lucky gentle dogged demeanor into fearsome threatening beast. Never would mine endearing ("puppy" loving - pet name i.e. appellation even when Georgie got older) pal mortally would "bullies." They (he/she) would hoop fully think twice (or even once) to cease calling me unprintable insults.
Me thought, and eventually discovered why I experienced zealous, yipping, vestigial tail (coccyx) chasing, overpowering... predilection toward entire realm encompassing dogdom. Believe me you, I too felt extremely skeptical recently discovering canine lineage scant generations ago. Old tabloids yellowing pages, would make National Enquirer pulp fiction writers blush in their respective dog houses of publications! They could never get within bajillion miles to rival sensational stranger than truth eye popping, jaw dropping, ear flopping... fact whereby two quite disparate species mated, (how never got revealed, but anyone with overactive imagination) could speculate. Perhaps the bitch in heat sired courtesy anonymous human male stud deed bipedal Homo sapien animal, or fertile human female impregnated, (whether thru physical intercourse versus artificial insemination) considered top secrete. Nonetheless the main crux regarding this divulgence plainly frolics, nuzzles, scampers... with faux pas. Matter of fact outstanding, prominent, quintessential... physical characteristics (disguised courtesy casual head in Toto, Sounder coats ideally stitched as laddie/ Lassie unisexual clothing) allows, enables, and provides countless heart warming opportunities to make debut and/or guest appearances across gamut of multimedia with scant undue pup parazzi chasing me. Actually, the plethora of folks with windblown, wriggling, thick snake dreadlocks, rainbow spectrum dyed hair resembling swollen Jiffy Popcorn able, eager, ready and willing to burst with pouf, heavily tattooed and pierced across every inch of their body, would cause nary an eye to bat. Whenever queried, I nonchalantly inform an inquisitive overly Snoopy mind that donning myself as man' best friend strongly resembling chowhound, and drooling, salivating, and trumpeting (rather lip syncing) favorite (bark a roll) barcarolle just bonafide par for the course.