My mutti

I have not always honoured you, as I should

Or been grateful for your endless love

Which was there on my most wretched day

The truth, for what it's worth, is I didn't understand you

I believed the poison dripped into my ears

By society and by my father

That by staying home to care for us

You were somehow worthless, lazy, stupid

I made fun of your German accent

When you pronounced words like chair or chicken

With all the blithe cruelty that children have

Oh how I wish I could take that back

You were there at every graduation, every concert

When I was sick you took me in your arms

And embraced me - wrapping your body around mine

And not leaving my side until my health returned

As I grew older, I started to notice you more

As a woman, as a person, as a friend

Hilarious and kind, silly and serious

The one constant in our uncertain home

I watched you pick up the pieces of crockery

And our hearts that lay on the floor

After Dad smashed them.

I lost count of all the times

I remember when we ran away to town

And stayed in the apartment of your friend

You and four small, frightened children

Trying to make him understand

But your family were oceans away

And you trapped by ropes around your heart

Your credit card, your children, you could only go back

Endure and bide your time

Years passed - in a series of storms, ever more violent

You waited - two kids left home

Then four, and you quietly made your plans

And one day you left too

Twelve years have passed

And with it, so much hurt

But you have survived and endured

And kept that wicked sense of humour

I think I understand you better now

And I love getting to know you better

My mutti - and it is the great joy of my life

To finally watch you thrive