Nothingness and Empty Spaces

I strike a match, click off a light, flick the bottom of a golden brass ring held firmly within my hand, close as I have to a big brass band, I love to hear her “ting”, how I love to hear her “sing” every “Sound” a melody, a “Voice”a luxury, more precious to me than my string of pearls and my diamond ring. Standing naked at the window sill, I know I gotta tell you how I feel, I reach out to you for a real connection, maybe I need some inter-spection, you shoot me down with no introspection, just trying to keep it real, no big deal. I forgot for a moment I’m not supposed to feel. Rejection is filling my days, harsh words, assumed thoughts, and ink blots, my muse. I took out all of my candlesticks, thin white candles atop tall clear tubes that you can see through as not to abstract my view. Brass bottomed candle holders that “ ting” when you flick them line the window sills. I lit ever candle I could find to illuminate the dark, the darkness subsides, but never leave’s completely. It now fills my empty spaces.

I called you on the telephone today. The sun has risen and set many times since you went away, I wanted to tell you my plans, my hands shook so hard as I held my breath and hoped you would answer one more time, but I got your answering machine. I listened to it over and over. I miss your voice telling me , “ I Love you!” I see you in every newly painted sky. There have been many that made me want to cry, especially when I think about how you never even said goodbye. Each sunrise and sunset a masterpiece, tell Bob Ross I appreciate his part in bringing me some peace and that it still brings a smile to my face to think about his “happy little trees”,somewhere something is happy.

I want to fly and spend some time with you, but someone is always obstructing my view. There is not a dry eye in your house tonight. I’m glad you can’t see me I must look a fright. I had everything, now I have nothing. Without you here there are so many empty spaces inside of me. When you died, I died too. No one reached out to comfort me so inside this emptiness grew. My reality is that I have to rediscover me and what makes me tick besides this slow, somber beating of my heart. I have to learn to live without you and you voice, I just want it stated in the record it was never my choice to leave you behind, most days, I can’t get you off of my mind or the thoughts of what you left behind.I found the last poem that I wrote to you, it was locked inside of your phone that I broke. Can’t hold back the tears, they’re making me choke. Looking at photographs where I captured a moment in time, a picture of you kissing the side of my cheek, me with a big smile upon my face, in front of a green, and white snow frocked tree. That was the me I used to be when I had everything, I have nothing without you. Now, I lay here with drops dripping from my eyes. I used to see my future in those sky blue eyes of yours, you were my port with peaceful shores, since they have closed all I see is darkness. Your light was extinguished and my world grew dark. It seems grim to put your name in marble like vinyl, it will seem so final. My poem to you etched in stone will seem so final, but know this, I never wanted to say goodbye, and I know you never meant to make me cry. I’ll always love you, until my dying breathe, and since I said “I do”. I know it is over and we are through. I know I gotta let you go and find me. Since your light went out, I am here lost in the dark, struggling to see a way out of this deafening darkness that has a grip on me, this nothingness won’t let me be. Will anyone raise up their candle and reach out to me?! Or shall I continue becoming nothing and wander around aimlessly in the dark?! You were my spark, now I am nothing, wandering around in the dark.