You Beautiful Soul

We always said you were one in a million,

so of course something that is a one-in-a-million chance would happen to you.

One week you were fine

The next you were a different person.

The only solace the doctors could leave us with was six months.

We learned we only had six more months to celebrate the absolute unstoppable force of a person you are.

The hospital that breaks down incurable diseases couldn't even touch this.

I find myself grieving you while you are in front of me.

Hospice came and even the person admitting you cried for you and what we are facing.

I do not think I have ever held so much grief before.

At first, I couldn't even sit with you without crying,

because how can you be gone so early,

you're not even 70 . . . not even 70 yet,

and this is something you now will never be.

Everything turned into your lasts so fast.

Your last mothers day,

Your last birthday,

The last of your life.

I went from thinking I had over 10 more years with your beautiful soul

to only be left with six months or maybe less.

You raised me when my mom couldn't,

we lived together and you made me who I am today.

I learned from you how beautiful a smile and kindness is,

and how to share your kindness with the world.

You prayed every day, multiple times a day,

only for God to what, punish your faithfulness?

Why can't she live and at least have a normal death?

Please change the prophecy.

I will do anything to end her pain and confusion,

All she did was give and give to everyone why did you have to take from her too?

When the nurse explained what creutzfeldt-jakob disease you cried with me,

somewhere in there you know what is happening,

and I hate that it is out of my power to stop it.

I masquerade all day to make sure you are enjoying your time here,

with what's left of it I want you to be happy and not worry about me.

You took care of me and cared for me,

it is my turn to return the favor.

If God is even out there,

which after this I can't say I believe it,

all I ask is to make her happy up there.

Take her to Maui,

she still talks about how much she loves it.

Let her watch the sunset over the beach one last time and fill her with warmth.

Give her back everything she let others take from her,

most of all I'm begging and pleading with you to please let her be happy,

I only want her to be happy,

That's all I have ever asked for.