5/1/2023

So let me start this off by saying I’m nuts. Okay glad I got that out of the way. I just had a gun pointed at me for the third time. The first time was a guy in an alley who tried to rob me. I told him to shoot me and put me out of my misery and he said “you crazy” and walked away. The second time I was blackout drunk and trying to get into the wrong apartment and a cop pointed a gun at me and threatened to shoot and my friend talked them down and helped me get home.

This time, I had just finished a relaxing evening at Harmony Works sound bath and acupuncture therapy. My friend and I decided to get ice cream. And when we were done, he said I should do something for myself tonight. So the weather was so nice I decided to go for a walk. I walked maybe a mile or so, and on my way back, these two knuckleheads tried to rob me with a gun.

So I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m pretty much as close to a superhero as you can get. I’m not afraid of anything, I don't feel pain, I’m insanely strong (way stronger than I look and I look pretty strong) and I know some karate. So one of them got behind me and started punching me in the back of the head but it didn’t hurt. The other guy pointed the gun, which I knocked away, then kicked the other guy with a back kick. So they started circling and the guy with the gun kept saying “give me your bread” and I said “go to the fucking grocery and buy some.” He didn’t like that. His friend said “yo give him your bread or he’s gonna shoot you. He’s gonna kill your ass.” So I said “great. Do it. Put me out of my misery.” Sort of like I did with that other guy a few decades back. But these knuckleheads didn’t run.

Some cars rode by and I tried to flag them down and shouted “hey! These guys are trying to rob me” but no one stopped of course. They said “ain’t no one trying to help you.” And I laughed and said “I don’t need help. You all are the ones who need help.”

Now at this point my glasses had gotten knocked off and I couldn’t see shit. So they started trying to jump me and their punches didn’t hurt at all. So I knocked the guy with the gun’s teeth out and he was stunned and I punched the other guy hard in the face. That’s when they ran. I yelled “your punches didn’t even hurt! You fuckers are lucky I lost my glasses or you’d both be on the ground bleeding!”

So that’s how my night went. That’s me trying to treat myself to a nice walk on a beautiful night. But it was fun actually. I’ve been waiting for someone to try to fuck with me for a while now. I took some of my angst out on those mother fuckers.