Are You Gonna Go My Way

I swear and roll my eyes. It has been a day of one small thing after another going wrong. The last thing I want to do is drive all the way into Atlanta for a concert that I didn’t really want to go to and that I knew without any doubt that he definitely couldn’t afford. It’s one of those things he’s always doing. Spending money he doesn’t have. It drives me crazy!

As I lock the door to the convenience store, I let out a long frustrated sigh. I am beyond tired and my legs ache. Still, I know he bought the tickets as a treat for me. Lenny Kravitz’s music has always been in the background of our relationship. I can see how he would think of it as a way to celebrate our relationship. Still, what else could that money have been used for? I hope into my car and head home.

When I pull up, he’s already there, waiting on the doorstep in the rain. I try to plaster on a smile, and get out of my car. ‘Ya know, you could wait inside. It’d be a lot dryer.’ I try to keep the bite out of my words, but don’t quite manage it.

’You’d think so, wouldn’t you? However, your roommates disagree with you and think it’s far better that I sit out here in the rain. So kind of them.’ he bites back at me.

It’s my fault, this dislike between John and my friends. I can’t deny it. His ardour, his passion towards me scared me to no end. Add to that the fact that I was dating someone in our group, before John came in the scene, it was a recipe for disaster. I shake my head at myself. What’s done is done and there’s no way for me to change it now. What does he want from me? Love is a fantasy, a fairytale, one of those things people write about but doesn’t really exist. Growing up in my family, you couldn’t really think otherwise. ‘You could’ve waited in your car, ya know, that one right there.’ The minute the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could grab them and shove them back in. I know why he’s not in his car. He loves to play the martyr. I’ve just given him the perfect opportunity to do so by leaving work late tonight. ‘Never mind. Just give me a sec to change and we can head out. Do ya wanna come in with me?’

‘No, I’ll wait in my car,’ he says as he turns and walks away. I bite back the words of frustration and go on in. Five minutes later, I’m back outside and jump into his car. He’s angry, I can tell, but he’s trying to put a brave face on it. He’s trying to salvage this evening. He always wins bonus points for sheer determination. It’s how he won me over in the first place. From the first day we spoke, he told me that he knew we were meant to be together. I just laughed. That sort of thing doesn’t ever come along.

We make our way onto the interstate to head into Atlanta. The rain is miserable, and his wiper blades are not up to the challenge. We strain our eyes out of the windscreen, trying to see the road ahead of us. ‘I’m afraid we’re going to miss the opening act, but we should make it in time for Lenny,’ he says with a smile while he reaches across and takes my hand. I can’t help myself. I have to smile. Moments like these make me happy in spite of myself. He does some stupid things, but he also has one of the kindest hearts I‘ve come across. Lenny Kravitz comes out of the radio. ’Synchronicity,’ he says with a smile that reaches all the way to his eyes. It’s his superpower. Whenever he needs a song to come on the radio, it does. If he is ever in a situation that a song can sum up perfectly, it magically comes out of the speakers. We’ve always joked about his superpower, but it really is uncanny. I give him my biggest smile and squeeze his hand and his eyes light up. I chuckle to myself.

As I turn my attention back to the road, we hear a bang, the car swerved and hydroplanes on the wet tarmac. John grabs the steering wheel and tries his best to turn into the skid. We slide across several lanes and I do my best not to scream. He manages to pull off onto the verge. The regular thump, thump, thump as we pull off leads no doubt in our minds. It’s a puncture. John puts the car in park and starts to get out of the car. ‘I can help,’ I offer. Goodness knows I know a lot more about cars than he does, but his chivalry prevents that.

’No, sweetheart, you stay here where it’s dry. I’m wet already, anyway. He disappears into the rain. I hear him rummaging around in the trunk. Some swearing penetrates the window panes and I can’t help but smile. He tries so hard. He is always so determined to make everything right. The swearing gets louder. I start laying odds on what has gone wrong this time. I feel like maybe I should double down on there being no jack in his car.

He opens the door and sticks his head in. Water is dripping from him everywhere. He’s rolling his eyes heavenward. His eyes lock again with mine and in the most deadpan voice says, ‘I think we’re going to miss the concert,’ he sighs, ‘no spare’. I burst out laughing. I can’t help myself. This whole day was a comedy of errors and of all the things on his mind, he’s worried we won’t make the concert.

I continue to laugh, and after a moment, he joins in, together we laugh until tears are rolling down our faces. ‘Man, I love you.’ and I try to regain my breath when I notice that John has gone absolutely still beside me. He doesn’t move. It’s like he doesn’t even dare breathe. Everything seems to stop.

John whispers so quietly, I almost don’t hear what he says. ‘You’ve never said that before.’ Now there are tears in his eyes but for a very different reason.