life?

My whole life I have been looking towards the future. Looking for my freedom. And now as I am approaching my senior year I am realizing I want to go back but I can't. It is physically impossible for me to go back to my third-grade class when we won our grade-wide dodgeball game. I can't go back to my first time going to the mall alone thinking I was so cool and mature. I can't go back to the moment I realized my best friend had replaced me. I can't go back to the time my dad drove me to my first high school party as I freaked out inside. I can't go back to the moment I changed the trajectory of my high school experience forever and I know now I can't go back at all. Everyone has days to savor the moment but how can you savor it when all you are looking for is the future? Even as I am writing this I am thinking about what color bedding I want in my dorm next year. I think I want to stay in the moment because I know once it's over it's gone. But I can't let myself think about that. As time passes, years pass and everyone I know gets closer to their end. I look forward to the future and my life when I'm older until I realize my dog won't be there to see me move out. My grandma won't be able to meet my husband. My mom might not be able to teach me how to raise my kids. Every day of life is so unpredictable so while I love to look ahead, it also has its downfalls.