Cowboy Jack (ain’t no Holliday)

Cowboy Jack thinks he’s Doc Holliday just because his dad’s a doc;

Cowboy Jack’s skinny n’ blonde, but for commonalities that’s ’bout all he’s got.

For one, he ain’t got no mustache, just a tiny, sad bit of fuzz;

For another, he’s a lightweight, can’t even stand to be a bit buzzed.

Sometimes he pulls on his shirt (nervous habit) and sometimes he’s out of breath;

Most times he fidgets with his hands (nervous habit) and can’t stand any talk of death.

I guess he’s got the spittin’ down (though it’s mucus, not tobacco or blood)

But his poker game’s weak; don’t know a straight from a flush… plays like a goddamned clown.

People are mean; out here it’s rough, and I’m just bein’ honest:

The little dude’s anxious, wants to be tough, and hell if it ain’t obvious.

No, Cowboy Jack ain’t no Holliday—

he ain’t even from the south.

But for what it’s worth, once, I called him a sissy, and he punched me hard in the mouth.

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(2024)