I wish I knew what healthy love looked like.

Because growing up,

I was never given a good example of it.

The idea of fighting with a significant other makes me physically sick,

because I hate the idea that if I made things inconvenient,

they would just leave.

Yet, I fight with my family all the time.

Maybe it's because I know that they will never leave.

I just want to know what healthy love is,

what it looks like to actually have someone interested in you

and not just because they want to get into my pants.

I will never forget the feeling of giving in

and letting him have what he desperately wanted

only for him to completely lose interest in me.

And it almost broke me,

and there are still days that I feel like the idea of that will completely shatter me to bits.

I just hope to find a love

so unconditional and so wonderful

that all that pain will go away

and I can once again feel whole

in the arms of another.