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what keeps you going?
i wrote a poem for the monthly poetry challenge for april (it was to write your longest poem). it's called "51. i write too many poems about death" which was 50 reasons why i want to live (in case you want to check it out on my profile for inspiration). i was a suicidal teen, so that's where it comes from for me, but even if you've never wanted to die, i want to know the reasons you want to live - anything from big things to small things

The girl who lived.

Once Apon a time there was a girl who hated the world and everything in it. The girl was so close to the end that she had to force her to think of reasons to stop and had think in detail as to why it was a good reason. the first reason was her brother, second was dreams of love, and third she knew the pain of being left behind. these were her deepest reasons for living and they have deep meaning.

First, the girls' brother, though they may not be arm and arm, meant everything to her. when the girl was growing up it was not a rainbows and sunshine. The girl was hurt by someone who was supposed to be a parental figure and care for her. That person however did not hurt any of the other children such as her brother for she tried her best to keep them away from him. The girl vowed to herself that she would never let her brother feel the hurt that she felt not matter what it takes. This showed the girl that she would have to live to protect her brother.

Second, the girl had many dreams, but her main dream was that she would find true love. The books that the girl would read gave her the hope that she would one day find her soulmate. Yes, there would be people whom she would think are one and she would be wrong, but she also knew that her grandparents were married one before they found their true love. So yes, she would get hurt however she knew it would be worth it. Therefore, in order to experience true love, she would have to live.

Lastly, the girl had experienced the pain of losing a friend who chose not to live. The girl was friends with her friend since the sixth grade, even after they both moved schools. The friend and the girl texted each other almost every day till, slowly, the friend stopped answering their phone. One day the girl received a texted from the friend's number however it was not them but their mother saying they chose to end their life. The girl did not cry till she received their obituary in the mail. she was hurt by the friend for not talking and letting her try to help. The girl was mad at them for leaving her but eventually she knew she had to let them go. After this, she knows she could not let anyone got through the hurt she did.

After thinking long and hard about these three things the girl realized she could not end her live for if she did, she would not be able to protect her brother, experience true love, or keep everyone from the hurt of losing someone.

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