Let’s Go See Stars Tonight

1.

"I wish I could see the stars as I die."

"You mean, you want to spend your last moments with stars."

"If you put it that way...Yeah, it’s like that. Do you think it's possible?"

"To be honest, it might be difficult for you since you are more likely to be hospitalized. You know, there are procedures..."

"Hmm. Then can I ask you for a favour?"

"What is it?"

"When I am dying, take me to the hospital rooftop so I can die under the starry sky."

"That's one absurd request. Your guardians will kill me if I do so."

"Make up an excuse so that they think that I died suddenly while we were watching the stars in rooftop. Hide the fact that you were aware that I was going to die."

"What do you think will happen, then? I may end up being framed for murdering you."

"Murder?" With that, the younger boy burst out laughing.

"I am being serious right now. You don’t want to put me into trouble do you?"

"Well, I am a selfish one and I actually don't mind putting you into trouble. You are the only one who would listen to my absurd requests anyway."

"Looks like I have spoiled you by listening to them too much."

"Is that so?" the younger boy smiled.

2.

He first met the strange boy while stargazing at the middle of the night. The boy was on a wheelchair. In the darkness, he couldn’t make out the boy's complexion clearly.

"Who are you? What are you doing here in the middle of night?"

"Watching stars," the boy answered, "I couldn’t sleep, so I sneaked out and came to see the stars. What about you?"

"I am stargazing, too."

After that, they watched the stars in silence for a while.

"Do you come here often?" the boy asked.

"Hmm."

"Then, do you want to be my friend?"

"Why? You don’t have friends in school?"

"I don't go to school much, you see."

"Oh."

"You haven’t answered me."

"Well, I can't befriend a stranger I have just met."

"Is that so? Then if I come here and meet you often, will you be my friend?"

"Are you that lonely?"

"Yeah, I am that lonely. Also, your telescope is fascinating. I was hoping to see stars with it sometimes."

"I guess I have no choice, then."

"Are you pitying me?"

"No. I am just helping you out."

That was the starting point of their friendship that was rather unusual.

The younger boy didn’t come every night. The gaps between his one visit and another was inconsistent. Sometimes it was one or two days, whereas sometimes it took him a whole week to show up again.

"Aren’t you curious about me?" The younger one asked the older one one day, "Like why I am on wheelchair or why I don’t go to school or why I disappear from time to time? If I was you, I would have had tons of questions."

"Wouldn’t it be rude to ask those questions? Especially if it’s someone I don’t even know well."

"Hmmm. But if you want to be friends with someone, you need to know them well, right?"

"You do have a point."

"In my class, no one ever asked me any of those questions. I don’t know if it’s because they didn’t want to risk being rude or simply because they were not interested in me. While I do respect someone not asking me about my condition, deep down I think I'll like it if someone asks me because they want to know me better."

"I see."

"Since you are not going to ask, I'll tell you myself. The thing is, I am chronically ill. Don’t wanna bore you with all the medical terms and stuffs and I don’t understand them well myself, so I'll skip that part. Just know that I have been ill since when I was in elementary school. It’s progressive and I need to get hospitalized quite frequently. Now it has gotten to the point that I had to quit school and stay in my bed most of the time. I have become so weak that I can't walk by myself, therefore the wheelchair. That's pretty much all there is to it, I guess." The younger one stopped to catch his breath after talking too much at once.

In truth, the older one was indeed curious, but not to the point of feeling the urge of asking the younger one to satisfy the curiosity.

"Now that I told you so much about myself, shouldn’t you tell me about yourself too?"

"Well, I am just an ordinary university student who happens to love watching stars and studying about them."

"What's your major?"

"Computer science and Engineering."

"I was expecting physics or astrophysics. I found it kinda unusual for a computer science major to be interested in stars."

"Well, it’s just a hobby."

"If I had a chance I might have studied cosmology or astrophysics. This universe and its mysteries always fascinates me. In fact, those might be the only things that actually move my heart."

"You know what, I am actually glad that that I found you as my star-watching companion. Nobody around me is interested in stars. So it’s nice that now I have someone to talk to about something I enjoy."

"My pleasure. I enjoy talking to you, too."

3.

“It’s been almost year since I’ve stopped going to school, you know.”

He didn't say anything, letting the younger boy continue.

“Not that I miss school, anyway. Ever since I was young, I have always been in and out of hospital, causing me to skip school a lot. Who would befriend someone who doesn’t attend classes half of the year?”

“Well, they could if they wanted to. I guess.”

“You know, our class had a seat planning system. Which means everyone had a fixed seat for themselves. I was the only one who didn't, since I was very irregular. When I did attend school, I had to seat in someone else’s seat who was absent that day. it made me feel like I never belonged in the class. As my illness worsened, I became unable to attend to the exams. I did study, as I had a lot of free times in my hand, but writing was really hard for me because of my weakness and other factors...So the teacher suggested I take a break from school altogether until I recover. I know what it means for me,” the boy smiled slightly, “I was a bit upset, felt like all the time I spent studying went to waste. I dedicated my time studying about stars instead. And I learnt lots of interesting facts about the universe. I realized that I have a knack for learning about cosmic-related stuff.”

“That explains why you know so much about stars.”

“Maybe because I was trapped in that hospital room for too long, I never had a real interest in anything, except for the sky. In a way, the sky always kept me company even at the loneliest of the times. The sky always watches over me, wherever I am. It comforts my loneliness when I think like that.”

That boy knew that he couldn’t expect a human to stay by his side all the time, so he decided to hold onto something lifeless. Something that won’t ever leave his side.

"If you don’t go to school, what do you do staying at home all day?"

"I stay holed up in my room and read dark and depressing stories. When I get tired of reading I listen to music."

"What kind of music?"

"Dark and depressing music," the younger one said with a strange smile, "You see, I have a fixation towards that kind of stuff."

"Masochist much?"

"The thing is, drowning myself in their pains I can forget about mine. Or sometimes I find my own pains amidst theirs. In real life I have no one I can relate to, but in fictional world there are plenty of people like me."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Also, I spend a lot of time looking at the sky. You know, when I'm hospitalized, I have to spend most of my time looking out of window. Now it has become a habit. Looking at the sky has such a calming effect."

"Well, the sky is beautiful, isn’t it?"

"It indeed is. Soon, I am going to be one with that sky."

After a few moments, the younger one spoke again.

"Do you know that the brighter the star is, the shorter its life span is?"

"Hmmm."

"I sometimes think myself as one of those blindingly bright stars with short life expectancy. My light is dimming and soon I will explode into supernova. Or maybe I'll turn into a black hole."

"Which one would you prefer?"

"Let me think. Supernova means it will light up the whole universe, but then it'll turn into a tiny neutron star. On the other hand, black hole will keep devouring anything that crosses its event horizon. Hmm... I'd rather be a black hole."

He found the young boy's perspective interesting. From the boy's perspective, he probably would turn into a red giant and then white dwarf, if he didn’t catch an illness like the boy had. That'd be an ordinary life, he thought to himself.

His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the younger one’s coughing. It was that type of violent coughing that leaves one’s heart and head pounding when it ends, and consumes the last bit of energy.

“I’m cold,” the younger one mumbled in a shaking voice, still not recovered from the impact of coughing.

The night was warm, despite that the younger one feeling cold could only mean one thing. The older one inched closer to the younger one and put his hand on the boy’s forehead. “Hmm. You have a fever. You should’ve stayed inside tonight.”

“I might get hospitalized soon. Who knows when I’ll get another chance to watch the stars like this again? Fever is no big deal for me anyway.”

“Less than a minute ago you were complaining that you were cold.”

“Yeah. I can’t stand being cold. But what can I do? If I start making a big deal out of it I will miss watching the stars.”

After spending some time in silence, the younger one spoke again.

“Can you come visit me when I’m hospitalized?”

“Hmm...I can.”

“You know, I have no one to visit me other than my parents. They are busy with their works, always exhausted and worried... They always put on a smile in front of me, but it shows. I don't blame them. Having to take care of a sick child like me must be tough on them.”

“Don't worry. I’ll come visit you everyday.”

“You’ll still come here on nights, won’t you? When you do, please remember me and our time together. When you look up at the stars and see a bright, lonely star, think of me. Also take some pictures for me and tell me what you saw when you come visit me.”

“Why do you sound like you won’t ever be coming back here?”

"I'm sorry... I didn’t mean to sound like that. It has become my habit to speak like that without even realizing, I guess. That's what terminal illness does to you."

"Well, no one is guaranteed to have a tomorrow, with or without an illness like yours. Even I might not be able to come back next time."

"That's true. But most people go on with their days without even realizing, realizing that one fine day they might just disappear, leaving behind futile regrets."

4.

A comet was supposed to be visible to naked eye on that night. It was a thrilling event for any stargazer, and he didn’t want his younger friend to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He texted the boy, though he guessed the boy might know about it already.

"I'm coming tonight," the boy's reply came immediately.

"You are going to sneak out from the hospital? Will your condition allow that?"

"I got discharged today, though I don’t know when I might have to go back again."

"That's a relief. Here I thought I might have to sneak you out."

He received a laughing emoji in reply.

* * *

"It’s my first time seeing a comet," the younger boy said.

"Same here."

"Might be the last time, too."

"Well, who knows. It might be the last time for me too."

"I hope not. I wish you live a long life, long enough to see another comet with maybe your children or grandchildren."

He couldn’t help but laugh hearing the words 'children and grandchildren'.

"And when you do, tell them about this one weirdo whom you met while stargazing, who couldn’t live long enough to see another comet."

"You're not a weirdo by the way."

“I am afraid that when I will die, no one will remember me except my parents. I don’t have anyone who would remember me."

“I’ll remember you. Don't you worry.”

"Thank you in advance," the younger one smiled, "You know, you are kinda like my big brother."

"Well, technically I am, given that I am thirteen years older than you."

"Seems like God has finally answered my prayer. Ever since I was young, I have always prayed for a big brother. And now I actually got myself one."

"Good for you. I never prayed for a younger brother, though."

At this, the younger one smiled, "Sometimes in life you get something you never wanted but definitely needed. Maybe me being your younger brother is one of those things."

"Wow, you are so full of yourself."

"Is that so," the younger one's smile didn’t fade, "I don’t mind. For once in my life I would like to be needed by someone. All my life I was the one who needed others."

5.

"I...want to...go see the stars."

He wrapped his arms around the boy's skinny body and picked him up from the bed. With the younger one wrapping his weak arms around his neck, he walked out the door. Then he walked up the stairs and pushed the rooftop door open.

"We're here. Just hang in there a little longer."

He sat leaning again the railing, putting the boy's head on his lap. He took his jacket and muffler off and wrapped the younger one with them. The night was cold and he didn’t want the younger one to be sicker than he already was.

"Hey. Open your eyes. You won't want to miss it after we came all this way will you?"

Slowly, the younger one opened his eyes.

"I...can't believe...that you really kept my request."

The older one gently stroked the younger one's hairs. "Who else would listen to your weird requests but me?"

"Thank...you...For being my friend...For keeping me company and coming to see me... And for taking me to watch stars tonight..."

"Don't mention it."

The older one kept stroking the younger one's hairs. He didn’t know for how long he kept doing that. When he stopped and looked down, the younger one seemed to have fallen asleep.

"I hope you are happy now, aren't you? Now that you got your last wish fulfilled." Saying that, he carried the younger one down the stairs and put him on the bed.

After that night, the boy's condition took a turn for worse. He probably saw it coming, seeing how the timing of his request seemed perfect.

A week later, he passed away.

Epilogue

It was late at night. He didn’t know exactly what woke him up, but afterwards, he couldn’t fall asleep. He got up from the bed and on a sudden impulse, decided to go to the rooftop to watch stars, like old days.

While passing by his son's room, he saw the lights on. He entered the room and called, "Hey, son, you aren’t asleep yet?"

The boy was startled. He certainly didn’t expect his father to show up at the middle of night like that.

"I was...studying."

"Wanna go stargazing?"

"Pardon?"

"I am going to rooftop to watch stars. Are you interested to join me?"

"Sure!" His sixteen-year-old boy took up the offer without a second thought. It was a tempting offer indeed, and a rare one.

His telescope, due to lying unused for so long, was covered with dust. As he cleaned it, nostalgia hit him.

That night, he taught his son how to set the telescope and introduced the boy to various visible stars. The boy was mesmerised. It reminded him of his own teenage years, when he started to take an interest towards stars.

"You know, this takes me back to my younger days. The city where I used to live in had an excellent stargazing spot. I would go there in the middle of night with this," he patted the telescope.

How long had it been since he last did that? He couldn’t remember exactly. Probably the last time was his last year at university. After that, he got busy job hunting and later, looking after his family. There was no time for a hobby like that.

"Then one day, I met this guy who also came to watch stars too. He didn’t have a telescope so he wanted to borrow mine."

"Then?" His son asked.

"He came from time to time, we watched stars and talked. That kid had no friend other than me."

"Kid?"

"Yeah. He was about your age back then."

"Do you still keep in touch with him?"

"He died at the age of eighteen." Upon speaking the words, he realized that this was his first time talking about that boy to anyone.

"How did he die?"

"He was sick...for a long time. In the end, his illness consumed him."

"That's sad."

"Indeed. That boy didn’t have a normal childhood, but he didn’t complain about it except once. Since he had to look at the sky from the hospital window all the time, he decided to study about sky."

His son didn’t say anything.

"He told me to remember him because he was afraid to be forgotten. He told me to watch comets with my children and grandchildren..." he paused. Back then, that part made him laugh. Now that he was really stargazing with his child, his heart ached. That boy who wanted to be a blackhole because he wished to take anything and everything that came close to him inside. The lonely boy who called sky his friend. The one who wanted to watch the stars in his last moments of consciousness.

How could he ever forget that boy?