I want to feel.

growing up, i was someone who had to suppress their feelings a lot for others' convenience. i was someone who had to dissociate away from reality to ignore what was really happening. i was someone who would do anything just to distract me from the fact that i exist, but I'm older now. I've experienced the world around me. I've felt every single human emotion that i would previously be hiding and scurrying away from. maybe this is why people enjoy existing. maybe this is why we keep going despite everything else in the world going to shit.

As silly as it sounds, i could get addicted to this. i want to drown in it. i want it to engulf me like a burning fire. I want it to consume me and completely submerge me. i want to love and hate, i want to freeze and burn. i want to lie in the swelter of the night, and bask in the warmth of day. i want to weave the threads of fate to my liking, and dance to its rhythm.

i want to taste the wine while the world burns.