My Dear Friend Existentialism

Existentialism is my friend.

I try to keep in touch as best I can.

We talk a lot about why I decide

To just keep running the treadmill

When I'm not actually going anywhere.

One thing that's nice about him

Is that he reminds me of what's important.

The things that matter most.

When the TV of Reality is all heartache and pain,

And the writers never give that resolution I so desperately crave,

And it feels pointless to keep watching the show,

He asks me why I haven't decided

To pull the plug on the TV

And just sit in dead silence.

And so I always find a reason

To justify not doing so.

Like, maybe next season,

The show might take a turn for the better

And then watching it will be worth it.

And he asks me how I know that,

And I tell him I don't.

I just hope.

And I trust.

It's like the same reason I run the treadmill

When I'm not actually moving.

I just trust.

I trust that all my running in circles

Will eventually make my heart stronger,

So that maybe I can run marathons someday,

And maybe I can win.

How I met my friend,

I don't completely recall.

I think my house burnt down one day when I was young.

And then he saw me lying there years later

And thought he'd have a chat.

Keep me company.

He asked me why I still lay there amongst the ash and rubble,

Even though I don't have the strength nor the materials

To build it back up.

He asked why I didn't just bury myself along with it.

And to be honest, I didn't know at the time.

It took me a couple years before I learned the answer.

It took me a couple years to learn to trust.

But existentialism helped me get there.

With all his questions, and all his nudging,

He helped teach me.

Don't ask me where I live today.

It's not a good place.

But there's still a roof over my head,

A cushion on which to sleep,

And food on my plate every day.

And you can guess who helped me find it.

He told me where to look,

And I went searching.

And now here I am,

Still holding on,

And still waiting to rebuild my house.

But at least I'm still waiting.

And at least I know why.

All because my dear friend

Walked up to my broken doorstep

And decided to say hello.

And for that, I will always owe him

The greatest of my thanks.