Eidetic Memory
From a young age, Jasper had always felt a deep connection to the emotion of sadness, like a friend that followed him everywhere; a shadow whispering in his ear and never leaving his side. His unique ability to see things from everyone's perspective allowed him to feel emotions deper than anyone ever could. He soon came to realize that this was a double-edged sword: while he had the capacity for great empathy and understanding, he also had to bear the burden of being aware that he was the cause of his own misery, which left him feeling crippled by guilt and remorse.
As the season of winter settled in, Jasper found the weight of his sadness and solitude particularly heavier. On some days, all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and drown out the cold, numb feeling with the warmth of his blankets. "Baby, why don't you meet up with your friends?" His sweet mother asked in her hearty tone, brushing away his damp hair sticking against his forehead. The kid was unable to take a bath for 4 days now, practically rotting on his bed ever since winter started. "Sure, mom.. " Jasper spoke in a brittle voice after not speaking for a while now, sitting up to give a reassuring smile.
Behind his mother's satisfied smile, pulling him into a tight hug, and giving a kiss on top of his head, she felt an underlying sense of grief. Perhaps it's true that mothers always seem to know, like a sixth sense. As much as taking a stroll out under the winter sky was the last thing Jasper needed, his mother was hopeful that her son would feel better when the sun shines on his face, his winter boots sinking deep under the snow, and the cold wind stroking his hair. The latter would rather show an act of illusion that she was right, than break her heart with his dim, amber gaze and suffocate her with the presence of his misery.
The silent footsteps he left on the snow was bothering him, as if the perfect white coat was ruined by his existence. Jasper already did his best to cover up, earmuffs, mittens, winter coat, and thick, heavy scarf— and yet, the cold always seems to seep in. The giggles and shrieks of the kids throughout the neighborhood was deafening, as they chased each other, mindlessly building hideous snowmans, leaving them be to face bitter passengers like Jasper. He couldn't suppress a self-depricating chuff as he met such clones and reflections those innocent little kids left for him. The teenager paused for a while, only to kick one down. "Hey!" A little boy yelled from the house in front, displeased with Jasper's actions, showing a scowl. "I'm sorry, kid..!" He yelled back in shame as he walked away, internally cursing with his unnecessary projection of hatred. The child probably took time and effort to build something so peculiar yet useless form of art, only for it to be knock over by a teenager who got nothing to do.
Jasper didn't really have a destination in mind, he was only wandering away from the noise and the people staring. He couldn't help but feel insecure with his strides, looking almost lost because of the fact that he was alone, going so utterly slow. Jasper's steps were heavier as the snow added weight to his empty being. In a way, he didn't hate the winter, in fact, it reminds him of his childhood, filled with laughter and innocence. Before he knew it, his feet brought him to the lake where teenagers skate. In the past, during summer, the whole place wasn't as crowded. People would go fishing, kids would occasionally swim around in hotter days, and Jasper would gather with his friends to camp after stressful exams.
The summer felt lighter now that he thinks about it. He wasn't bothered with the heat then, unlike the colder days where his body significantly feels heavier, as if glued to his bed. Jasper was caught up with the sight of the skaters, staring as they flexed their stunts and figures, as if they're not bothered by the stinging air slapping their cheeks. It was getting colder, Jasper's winter clothes were no longer protecting him from the selfish thoughts he had. The lump, sitting inside his chest was starting to creep up his throat, as if gravity was pulling up instead of keeping him on the ground. 'It's alright.. ' he internally coaxed himself, inching away from the frozen lake, finally turning around to retreat.
Jasper could see his fog of breath, leaving his quivering lips, as he kept his head down from the eyes of the world. He was walking the same trail he left when going forward, carefully trying not to add tracks to the perfect carpet of snow, focusing on the squeaks of his wet boots. It was an unfortunate sight: a teenager, quietly weeping in sync with his memories of winter flashing through his blurry eyes. It was a nuisance, really. He didn't have a good reason to cry, no absolutely reason why his heart was silently shattering all over again like every year during winter. Perhaps the teen was engulfed with self pity, remembering all the reasons why he's not meant for a cold world like this. It was a miniscule thing, stacking up, piling over the years. 'Someone's got it worst', he would repeatedly think, wiping away his tears, trying to suck it up and move forward.
Jasper was a jar brimming with memories, a lifetime's worth compressed into a single container. As he rummaged through the contents, he found himself stolen of the memories that evoked a sense of childlike joy and wonder before the weight of the world crushed the carefree optimism that had once filledp him, leaving him full with the ones he desired to forget. He longed for the day when he would be untethered from the memories that bound him, when the burden of the cold, numb feeling would dissipate, and he would finally experience the sweet release of freedom and relief. Until that day arrived, he told himself that he must endure the harshness of winter— an endless cycle that would eventually thaw, giving way to the warmth of springtime.
"I'm home!~" He yelled with a bright smile, meeting his mother's homemade baking. "Persimmon pudding?" He asked, making his way towards the kitchen, as the light-hearted giggle of his mom followed. "Aren't you sharp?" She asked, amused with the enthusiasm of the kid. It's been so long since she made one, that she couldn't help but be surprised that Jasper even remembered based on the scent. "I'll go take a bath.. " He spoke with a low chuff, making his way up his bedroom. "Buddy?" The woman abruptly stopped him from his tracks. "You okay?" She asked giving a knowing gaze as if trying to see through his glassy eyes. "Of course, mom... The walk was nice.. " He responded in assurance, finally disappearing up the stairs, back to his safe haven, deep under his blanket.