You’ll Forget

“Shut up,” I say teasingly, rolling my eyes at his antics. He raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“How about you make me?” He glances down at my lips and I can feel my face turning red. I turn away from him. Things like this have been happening more often and I can’t stop myself from imagining what would happen if I let the situation escalate. I push it from my mind as I focus back on our work.

“Anyways, I was thinking that for the presentation we could . . .” I stop mid sentence as I feel his body press up against my back.

“Annalise,” he whispers into my ear, making me shiver. I turn so that we’re face to face, only inches apart.

“Kaiden what-“ I start to ask but I freeze when I feel his hands grab my waist. He pulls me to him and my mind goes blank. He looks down at me, eyes dark. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. He leans closer to me and our lips brush together. My stomach flutters and I bring my hands up to his shoulders. Before I can fully connect our lips, he pulls away.

“Annalise I’m so sorry I should’ve asked you please just forget that happened I’m so-” I cut him off by leaning up onto my tiptoes and kissing him. He stands still for a moment before kissing me back, wrapping his arms around my waist and carrying me over to my bed. He breaks the kiss to gently set me down. He climbs on top of me and is about to kiss me again when I hear footsteps walking towards my room. I push Kaiden off of me and onto the floor right before my mom opens the door.

“Hi mom!”

“Hello Mrs. Owens.”

“Hello kids, is everything going okay up here?”

“Yeah mom, everything’s good,” I say, trying not to laugh. Kaiden is laying on the ground, grimacing.

“Are you okay Kaiden?” my mom asks, “Why are you on the floor?”

“That’s a really good question Mrs. Owens,” he grits out, looking at me in annoyance. I try not to giggle as my mom looks at him in concern.

“He’s ok, don’t worry. We’re all good up here!”

“If you say so. I wanted to let you know that Dad will be home soon for dinner. If you want to stay to eat Kaiden, you are more than welcome.”

He sits up and smiles politely, “That would be great! I’ll text my parents.”

My mom smiles before leaving, closing the door behind her. As soon as she’s gone I burst out into laughter.

“Haha, very funny.”

“I . . . can’t . . . breathe!” I choke out between giggles. He stands up, wincing, which makes me laugh even harder. He comes to sit on the bed next to me.

“Are you done laughing at me yet?” he asks, trying to keep a straight face. I wipe my eyes, breathing deeply.

“Just about.”

He rolls his eyes at me and flicks me on the forehead. I pout at him and he smiles at me. Before long we’re both sitting, looking at each other in silence. I think back to everything that has happened today and part of it feels surreal. I sigh and flop backwards, looking up at the ceiling. He does the same next to me.

“What does this make us?” I ask, turning to look at him only to find him already looking at me.

“What do you mean?” he asks with faux innocence. I smack his arm and he smiles. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

I turn to look at him, a little in shock. “For real?”

“No, I just kiss all my friends for funsies,” he says sarcastically, “Yes for real.”

I roll my eyes at his response before leaning forward and kissing him again.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

The memory fades as I open my eyes, smiling slightly. I roll over in bed to check the time. I’ve only been asleep for an hour, son of a biscuit. I scrub my face with my hands and groan. I haven’t been sleeping well for a while. I can’t seem to remember why. I’m sure it’ll go back to normal soon. I think about texting Kaiden before remembering he’s already asleep, probably. Hopefully. I want him to get enough sleep. I fall asleep to the thought of Kaiden’s promise to pick me up for school tomorrow.

When I wake again, it’s 4 in the morning. Something’s been nagging me about Kaiden but I can’t seem to remember what. I’m sure I’ll remember it by the morning so I can text him about it. I fall asleep to the thought of Kaiden’s promise to pick me up for school today.

The third time I wake up, it’s finally 6. Getting out of bed, I debate texting Kaiden. Part of me is telling me I should but a larger part is telling me not to. Weird. I decide against it and start getting ready. My thoughts are filled with my plans for the day. First, Kaiden is going to pick me up for school, we’ll go to school, and then we’re going on a date afterwards. I’m so excited. Before I know it, I’m dressed and ready to go to school. When I walk downstairs, both my parents look at me in shock.

“You’re going to school?” my mom asks. I nod, walking over to the pantry and grabbing some bread to make toast.

“Kaiden’s picking me up for school today!” I claim joyfully, missing the tears welling up in my mom’s eyes.

It feels like it takes forever for my toast to cook but eventually it pops up and I slather it in butter. Checking the time, I see it’s already 7. I rush out the door, calling out a “Goodbye!” to my parents.

When I get outside, I notice that Kaiden isn’t here yet. Normally he’s here even earlier. Maybe he just slept in, I convince myself, pushing down the dread in my stomach. I sit down on the porch step, hugging my knees to my chest. He’ll be here soon.

7:05

7:10

Maybe the traffic’s really bad.

7:15

7:20

7:30

7:40

7:50

School’s already started by now.

8:00

8:30

9:00

10:00

11:00

12:00

1:00

2:00

3:00

3:30 is when I finally break. Crying into my arms, I remember everything. Kaiden. Picking me up for school. His car. The truck driver. The phone call. Everything.

3:32 is when my mom comes out onto the porch, sitting next to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

3:33 is when my dad joins us, sitting on the other side of me. He strokes my hair as I sob, whispering comforting words as my sobs start to turn into screams.

3:37 is when we finally go inside, after my crying subsides slightly. When my mom sits me down on the couch and explains that she’s going to take me to a psychiatrist.

4:57 when the psychiatrist tells me I have a mental illness. A dissociative disorder, she says. Caused by a traumatic event and is a way someone tries to suppress memories of it. Dissociative amnesia, she says. I forget important things. Like how Kaiden is dead. And that I’ve done this three mornings in a row without knowing.

And eventually you’ll forget you’ve read this story, about me and Kaiden. Kaiden and me. Two halves of the same whole. Soulmates. Whatever you want to call it. You’ll forget that I existed. You’ll forget about the sad little girl who forgot her boyfriend was dead. You’ll forget about her parents and the pain they had to go through, watching their baby girl do the same thing three mornings in a row, ending with her in tears and a sleepless night of memories.

You’ll forget just like I did.