When you said...

When you said I could never be a boy, I wondered if you knew what trans-gender meant. Next, I was offended because... just, why would you say that? I was trying to come out to you! I was also concerned. To be honest, I thought you would react better. And I know you are thinking of it from a biological stand point; you're a doctor, what else are you supposed to do? But, I think its not a choice. Like, why would I make this choice? Why would I choose to be ridiculed by all my friends? Why would I choose for my dad to tell me that he would take me seriously if I was twenty five? Why would I want you to call me by my dead name and continue to use incorrect pronouns after months of me begging you not to? Why do you think I would do something that could make my teachers hate me? Why would I say something I know would make my uncle beat me up if he heard it out loud? Why would I do this? Do you really want to know? Its because I love you and I want you to know the truth. I want to be able to tell you what I'm really feeling and trust you when it comes to right and wrong. I want a dad who believes in me and accepts me for who I am. I wanted you to know me the way I see myself: beautiful. I can't think of a better way for me to express my love than telling the truth.

I still remember you teaching me that lying about the cookie crumbs on my bed was wrong. I remember you taking me to church and telling me that Jesus loves me as much as you do. I remember at night when you would tell me a story. I remember those walks you took singing me to sleep on your back with Silent Night instead of something more like a lullaby because it was the only song you knew (its still my favorite). I remember you telling me you'd always love me, that I'd always be your little girl. I wanted to tell you the truth. I wanted you to grow with me, I hoped that you'd share my view and try to learn. I hoped that instead of saying little girl you'd say I was your little kid, always safe when I'm with you. I hoped that you'd love me as I love you, not expecting me to be perfect but being there anyway. I love you dad and I always will. I hope you can see that still.

Love, Me, always and forever