A note in love

I know I'm not perfect, and I have my shortcomings, flaws, and mistakes from time to time, but I'm trying; yes, I am trying always.

I know in myself that I've not given the very best of myself because I was afraid of many things and hurt in many ways. I couldn't explain some of those wounds and experiences.

Sometimes, I feel that I'm a lost cause, I'm not worthy, and I'll always be cold, abandoned, and not loved fully, or perhaps that's just my wounds talking and making me feel all of that.

I know that by a twist of fate, I left behind people because I couldn't handle myself, I couldn't bear the deep pain that I would bear for so long, and for that, I've hurt them.

How could I possibly explain myself in all of my realities and possibilities if I knew I would be deeply misunderstood and my words would be used against me because I touched some sore parts?

How can I possibly make people understand that there's also a way to love me right? I'm not demanding it; I just want to show how it is; sadly, it's often mistaken as questioning how they love.

To be honest, I always want to have a deep connection, to feel that I'm also getting understood and genuinely accepted, gradually, not having those parts of me being rejected because it's not pleasing to the eyes.

I know I'm not someone who can do everything and give all, but if my heart and soul feel what they need and the love that heals all the wounds, perhaps, that's the time I will give every bit of love that I can give and pour out.

Because it will be like a loop where I continue to lose myself often because I'm being pulled in all directions, or being told this is how I should love, or whatever. To be honest, love is something that can make you understand.

Only if you understand that love is not something to possess, but something to cultivate and take care of, because when I give the very best of me, that's the final straw.