Too Night

It’s a beautiful night, really

Though not

A really beautiful night

My melancholy

Keeps me afloat

As my tears

Pouring internally

Threaten to drown me

You know how

A perfectly happy smile

Can break your heart

When you’re the one

Who used to elicit it

But no longer can?

Yeah.

It’s like that.

If I could rip

My heart from my chest

Suspend it in a jar

And fill the broken parts

With gold filigree

It could be quite beautiful

In a grotesque kintsugi

Kind of way

If I could rewind time

And spare us both

All the pain

Of our relationship

Would that be

What you would want?

I mean

You saved my life

But life without you

Hurts so much

The alternative

Seems fine

I’m so sorry Abacus

That I couldn’t be

A better mother