Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send

After several drinks with some theatre friends the other night, the conversation turned to dominance and submission within a relationship. Always fun. :-) (Now, I've never told any of those friends explicitly that I am seeking a Taken In Hand style relationship.) One guy went round the table, trying to pick whether each person was predominantly dominant or submissive in the bedroom. Pretty soon this became a bit of a game and everyone did it.

I was shocked and surprised that out of ten people in the room, every single one of them picked me to be dominant! (Except for an ex of mine, who cracked up laughing.) Now, I know within myself that I'm not. The few friends and ex-boyfriends I've told know that I'm not. But the fact that a whole room of people that know me quite well thought that I was, got me to thinking – if this is the image of me that my friends have, what on earth are the men I'm meeting thinking of me?!

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I do not fit the mould of a submissive woman. This I know. I keep my hair short because it's easy and it suits me. I wear funky, comfortable clothes (except when I go out, when it's funky and a bit sexier). My makeup is either non-existent or super-dramatic depending on my mood. I'm tall and broad-shouldered. I am extremely vivacious and social and have never had a problem talking to people about anything (and I'm a huge flirt!). And whilst I love getting dolled up and wearing stockings, skirts and heels, I'm also the first one to don jeans and pick up power tools when the need arises. I am feminine – both by definition (that I'm female) and by connotation, and I'm very happy with the fact that I'm a woman. I'm not trying to be one of the guys.

Please don't get me wrong – I can be girly (how I hate that term) but usually only when I'm playing. I have no respect for the women I meet who are really girly-girls because more often than not, they seem to be air-headed and useless and their presence completely counter-productive when you're trying to get something done. I just don't have it in me to giggle and bat my eyelids and have deep and meaningful conversations about manicures. I've never even had a manicure because it makes playing the guitar impossible!

Now, here's the crunch. I love the way I am. I'm proud of my body, my personality and my opinions. I love that I am strong and independent and can walk home alone at night (gasp!). I wouldn't want any of that to change. What I do want is a man who is stronger. But, god help me, I just can't seem to find them! Where are they? And how can I attract the type of guy I want without diluting myself?

Eric wrote a fascinating article which gave me a little hope, but now I just don't know. All of the articles that I have read (and I thank each and every author for sharing their experiences) deals with Taken In Hand either within an existing relationship or in theory. I want to open the floor here and ask you all for some advice. How do I convey my submissiveness to a potential partner, when everybody seems to think the opposite? Keep in mind that I don't necessarily want to broadcast exactly what I do in the bedroom to guys I hardly know! And (specifically for the guys) would you date a gal you perceived to be more dominant, for the challenge in making her submit?