Lover: so it goes

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. Sinking heavy into a mood squatting cross legg-ed next to a giant pink elephant laughing “I told you so” under its breath.

We agreed: no strings. No attachment, no expectation. Just an occasional hiccups in time to  escape the day-to-day. To remind us we are alive. And combatting the loneliness, the misunderstood, the human condition—and  your wife.

Well, you’re not actually married now, are you. Common law, as they say. Is it the same? Can I escape the moral implications on a technicality? This time.

Am I wrecking your home. Am I that cold lonesome steel ball swinging selfish on a pendulum of desire and sin corrupting and inviting you into my very own Hotel California.

I hate that you smoke menthols.  They are aggressive and only half committed. But the nicotine hits, and so it goes —

We are going down in flames. You and me. There is no other way.. The way you grab my neck and curls when you kiss me—

We are destined to burn in the path of a falling star.

Will the memory of us remain?

Our charred flesh is the undergrowth, and it is suffocating under the life of our last embrace. And the way you kissed me.

My heart is crying. And my soul is crushed. The constant pain of this loss wells deep in my eyes and my tears are acid.

I could have loved you forever.

I could have loved you.  Forever.

In all the ways you needed love, I would have given it to you. I could have been your constant provider, and I wanted to give you all of me. And more.

I love you. But this is how it ends.

I can’t breathe. The despair of this heartbreak is killing me. Its knuckle-white grip is wrapped tight around my throat like a noose hung ready to stop the pain, But I can’t let go. So I hang onto the rope of you in limbo, but my hands are getting sweaty and I slip: hope has its back turned to me and it is moving further and further away.

I miss being in bed with you. Wrapped tight limb-to-limb within the core of your being where you kept me. Close . And I was safe.

But this too shall end. It is over.

And so it goes.