Woes

I clench my jaw until it’s painful. As though it will ground me.

It does not.

I dissapear from the face of the earth-

No one notices aside family that makes habit of who I am.

I don’t have friends. How sad is that?

Such an adult at twenty two years old, without anyone real and concrete in my life.

I blame myself at my worst- blame being sick so young and infecting others.

I know I am not to fault for their misplaced grudges.

I yearn and miss those I knew when I was young. Perhaps it’s easier than explaining why I am who I am. Perhaps it’s retribution.

But they don’t want to know me.

That’s bitter such a pill to swallow. But what else is there to know?

They do not reach out, or interact online.

They don’t want to know me.

I hate knowing people have friends since they were children. I do not have that.

I cannot unlearn that hatred.