Hair remembers, but so does the Heart

Missing people is a vague thing I think. Sometimes, If I keep busy, it's like they were never there in the first place. A lost thought from another world that was never mine. But, when I stop. When I know, in the back of my mind. It hurts. Like it was always there, I just took a pain killer for a second. And somedays I wake up thinking, I can't wait to see them today.

Then reality hurts. There's no such thing as seeing them today. No such thing as dangling form monkey bars in our little space to talk, ignoring whatever anybody else was saying. And it's not like normal wounds, when people say they heal over time. Sometimes, when you're not thinking it's not there. The constant pain, the constant memories. But, over time. The less I see them, the more it hurts. Like a wound that opens deeper, every day without fail.

Sometimes when I see them in dreams, I sob. Wake up sobbing from sadness, but also because I'm happy. For them, to know that maybe one day we'll run into each other again. But then, probably not. This world is bigger than we give it credit for. I both hate it and love it. Because if we fell into each other again, what would happen? What if they don't remember? What if every little insignificant thing they taught me was nothing to them? What if, everything they taught me, they taught some one else to? What if they've moved on and I still feel bad moving away. Like I can't forget the memories.

The scariest part. I want to forget them, but every time I try. What if I never remember again? What if I try to move on, and the face to the unknown boy in my heart disappears? What if I forget, but only remember enough to make it hurt? I've cut my hair, they say it holds memories. Yes, but so does the heart. And the heart remembering makes it hurt way worse, because I can't carve it from my own chest can I?