I tried

I know exactly that feeling. The feeling where your words get choked and they won't come out. The moment where everything that made sense somehow ran out. When I could of sworn, a second ago, I had something intelligent to say. That feeling, when everything you known suddenly dies away. Then the panic sets in. Heart beats. Breath spins. Don't know what is down or when this ends. Names of disorders swirl accesos my head: broken, unfixable, what will happen next?

Disassociation sets in. Is this the world that I'm in?

Hands start shaking, they don't seem like my own. Sounds and lights fade away, in darkness I'm left alone. It brings peace and life. Even if reality is already gone.

And in here, I hide until the tears start rolling. Until sadness and despair are the only things life has left to share.

Then, I sit frozen:

unmovable

unfixable

broken

yet no matter how hard I try

I can't stop dying inside.

I know that feeling. That feeling where the world crashes down around me, when the walls break and it all comes tumbling down. I know that feeling. I have known it all my life