It’s autumn in my womb

It's autumn in my womb

Leaves are falling

New growth stalls

Tender shoots burn

With the first hard frost

Yet sap still flows

It stops and start

Confused by the changing

Of the seasons

Not yet ready to abandon

All thought of new life

And surrender to the

Dormancy of winter

As fertility wains

So too do my dreams

Crumble to dust

Before my very eyes

I weep, I rage, I question

Who am I, if not a mother?

There is no answer in the air

Just my hot breath

Puffing in clouds before me

My misery hanging there

Before it too fades

And disappears

As silent as a sunset

Dark days beckon now

Filled with hard earth

The quiet of winter

When most birds fly

In search of warmer climes

Of more hospitable hosts

I cannot flee this season

For it is around me

And within me

The slowing tick, tick tick

Of a biological clock

That can no longer be wound

And will soon cease ticking altogether

I am the flowerless orchid

The maiden aunt

The branch that bears no fruit

Were I a hen or cow

I would be marked for slaughter

Some days, when winds blow fierce

Within my aching heart

I think that slaughter

Might be a mercy

For to live with this void

This bottomless, gaping sadness

Is a torment beyond that

Which I can bear

Spring will come again

To the blossoms and trees

New lambs with frolic

Chicks will hatch and tweet

But though the seasons of the world

Will warp and change

My womb will stay in winter

Cold, dormant, in decay

No life will spring forth

From these folicles of disappointment

There will be no swelling

Of my belly or my breasts

No late flush of youth

Soon, the sap will stop

And I must face the truth

For I cannot escape

The smiling face of babes

The pride on mother's faces

The gurgling laughter

And plaintive cries

Oh autumn, please give me more days

To grieve and hope

That somehow this is not

My changeless destiny

But the leaves they change

Oh how I feel autumn's ache.