autumn leaves

he said autumn's the best season to be in love. it's true that it's the most romantic, or, seems like it anyway. walks, hand in hand, through the ever-changing leaves. a muted color palette, and the coziness that comes from temperatures just a little cooler. i like to listen to fall music from the 60s; it's all about falling in love, enjoying the weather, how lonely hearts drift and want for another. so sappy. in the best way.

it felt like fall today, in every way. i baked cookies; the air was chilly; i'm still in love. some days everything's ok. i'm still afraid of the planet spinning, but i'm alright for now. i think too much, but i never decide anything at all. head full of loose piles of fall leaves and nothing else, sometimes. i caught the sunset out my window. opened the blinds and then closed them again, like an eye blinking, to watch the pink sky.

i like wearing tall socks to keep in the warmth. i like how he smiles when he knows he's in love, when he looks at me. i'm sure i have a smile just the same, it's just that i don't know mine, wouldn't recognize my own face. my ears get too cold, and i'm thinking i'll need to start wearing hats because i want to walk every park in the city during fall. i want to see every leaf before i go. before they go. i like feeling the weight of his arm over me, the comfort that he's there. we watched a show i used to love and i sang the theme song. the nights are long and warmer with him. the days still drag, the sun still cackles at my back, hidden, because i don't look at her. i want to know if autumn is the best season to be in love, but the only way i'll ever know is to be in love every other season as well. i want to. i want everything i've never wanted before. i want autumn walks and days and nights and warm drinks, telephone calls, long dresses, nose kisses, weekend cafes, silly keychains, reading side by side, blankets up to our necks, dinner with friends, strolls in the dark, leaves under our feet. this time, i want it all.

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10/14/24